IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries people have to pay for medical care, but some think that it should be a free service provided by the government. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #people #care #think #service #government
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It is common for
people
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 to pay for healthcare in various nations.
However
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, some argue that the government should ensure that all
people
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 can be taken medical
care
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 for free payment. In
this
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 essay, I will explain why I disagree with
this
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 medical free payment argument.
To begin
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 with, there is an advantage for many individuals because everyone can take medical
care
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, even if they don't have enough income. These days, some
people
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 avoid medications because of their financial problems and only the wealthy can see a doctor when they are ill.
As a result
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,
this
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 leads to inequality of lives between the wealthy and poverty class. But recently,
this
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 financial unfair problem is not so serious because there are a lot of
insurances
Change the noun form
insurance
show examples
 services in many countries, which can help many individuals around the world.
Then
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, I believe that there are some disadvantages here.
Firstly
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, demands could exceed provides.
For example
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, in Canada, which provides free medical
care
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, there are always numerous
people
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 in hospitals and they should wait for a long time if they seem to be in severe situations. Under these circumstances, the quality of
care
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 could decrease because of the lack of doctors.
In addition
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, taxes must be sored to maintain
this
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 free payment system, and there is no doubt that it makes citizen's lives more challenging. In conclusion, I don't think government should provide a free medical service. Some nations have already started, but they have faced disadvantages and I believe that the insurance system can solve difficulties for poor
people
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.
Submitted by mayu1022.p on

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Task Achievement
Work on providing more detailed and specific examples to support your viewpoints. This will help make your argument more compelling and grounded.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures and transitions to enhance the flow of your essay further. This will add to the coherence and cohesion of your writing.
Task Achievement
Review and adjust your introduction to more clearly state your stance. While you've outlined the discussion point well, a clearer statement of your position from the beginning would strengthen your introduction.
Task Achievement
You effectively introduced the topic and provided a clear opinion, which establishes a solid foundation for your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay presents a well-organized structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
You maintained a consistent argument throughout the essay, demonstrating good control over the coherence of your ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal coverage
  • equity
  • fundamental human right
  • out-of-pocket expenses
  • financial hardship
  • preventative measures
  • social contract
  • quality of care
  • high demand
  • limited resources
  • tax implications
  • budget priorities
  • universal healthcare systems
  • public health
  • disease burden
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