IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Education should be accessible to people of all economic backgrounds. All levels of education, from primary school to tertiary education, should be free. To what extent do you agree with this opinion

#education #people #backgrounds #levels #school
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Certain people believe that
education
 should be cost-free and accessible to the citizens of a country to all social orders.
However
, I believe that the government should take
the
Correct article usage
apply
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responsibility
of
Change preposition
for
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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free
education
 till middle
school
 only and other expenses should be waived off only on
merit
Correct article usage
a merit
show examples
 basis.
To begin
 with, many countries are grappling with illiteracy because they are not able to attract the weaker sections of society to schools. These destitute people have to send their
kids
 to earn wages in the early phase of their life leading to
child
 labour. So, to reduce
this
 the young
kids
 have to be sent
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 schools and their
school
 fees should be completely waived
off
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to avoid any pressure on their families. It will help these families to access
education
 free and could help them to earn more income when they learn any skill at
school
. A clear example is India where the government had implemented the law of free primary studies.
This
 has helped a lot to eradicate poverty by improving the employability of
such
kids
 after
school
.
On the contrary
, it is really crucial to maintain a certain level of equality for all social backgrounds which can be done by
merit based
Add a hyphen
merit-based
show examples
 scholarship systems. Beyond
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
middle
school
, a
child
 should be realized of the importance of excellence and achievements through creating a competitive system where students get scholarships when they perform better. To exemplify, in India, when a
child
 reaches high
school
then
 he has to pay
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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minimal
school
 fees but he can get any scholarship from the government based on his academic success.
This
 promotes a holistic system for all pupils and
maintain
Change the verb form
maintains
show examples
 a level ground of competition for all. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elementary
education
 has to be provided free to avoid children ending up in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
child
 labour.
However
, after middle
school
,
kids
 should be informed about the importance of achievement and promoting a
merit based
Add a hyphen
merit-based
show examples
school
 system is really important.
Submitted by Kiran on

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task achievement
The essay has a clear stance and provides relevant arguments for each perspective; however, the arguments could be elaborated further with more depth and examples to strengthen the task response.
coherence cohesion
Work on transitioning between ideas smoothly to improve coherence and cohesion. The current structure is logical but could benefit from more integrated linking phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing the response well.
task achievement
The essay presents relevant main points with specific examples, particularly the examples from India, which add credibility to your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • accessible
  • economic backgrounds
  • primary school
  • tertiary education
  • free education
  • fundamental right
  • social mobility
  • economic mobility
  • reduce inequality
  • financial barriers
  • educational opportunities
  • government funding
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