Education should be accessible to people of all economic backgrounds. All levels of education, from primary school to tertiary education, should be free. To what extent do you agree with this opinion

#education #people #backgrounds #levels #school

Certain people believe that

education

should be cost-free and accessible to the citizens of a country to all social orders.

However

, I believe that the government should take

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

responsibility

Change preposition

for

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

free

education

till middle

school

only and other expenses should be waived off only on

merit

Correct article usage

a merit

show examples

basis.

To begin

with, many countries are grappling with illiteracy because they are not able to attract the weaker sections of society to schools. These destitute people have to send their

kids

to earn wages in the early phase of their life leading to

child

labour. So, to reduce

this

the young

kids

have to be sent

Change preposition

show examples

schools and their

school

fees should be completely waived

off

Change preposition

apply

show examples

to avoid any pressure on their families. It will help these families to access

education

free and could help them to earn more income when they learn any skill at

school

. A clear example is India where the government had implemented the law of free primary studies.

This

has helped a lot to eradicate poverty by improving the employability of

such

kids

after

school

On the contrary

, it is really crucial to maintain a certain level of equality for all social backgrounds which can be done by

merit based

Add a hyphen

merit-based

show examples

scholarship systems. Beyond

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

middle

school

, a

child

should be realized of the importance of excellence and achievements through creating a competitive system where students get scholarships when they perform better. To exemplify, in India, when a

child

reaches high

school

then

he has to pay

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

minimal

school

fees but he can get any scholarship from the government based on his academic success.

This

promotes a holistic system for all pupils and

maintain

Change the verb form

maintains

show examples

a level ground of competition for all. In conclusion,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

elementary

education

has to be provided free to avoid children ending up in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

child

labour.

However

, after middle

school

kids

should be informed about the importance of achievement and promoting a

merit based

Add a hyphen

merit-based

show examples

school

system is really important.

Submitted by Kiran on Tue Jun 11 2024

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task achievement

The essay has a clear stance and provides relevant arguments for each perspective; however, the arguments could be elaborated further with more depth and examples to strengthen the task response.

coherence cohesion

Work on transitioning between ideas smoothly to improve coherence and cohesion. The current structure is logical but could benefit from more integrated linking phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing the response well.

task achievement

The essay presents relevant main points with specific examples, particularly the examples from India, which add credibility to your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

328 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

accessible
economic backgrounds
primary school
tertiary education
free education
fundamental right
social mobility
economic mobility
reduce inequality
financial barriers
educational opportunities
government funding

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