Most people believe that social media such as Facebook and Instagram negatively impact on society and individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The vast majority of
people
think that social platforms like Facebook and Instagram have a negative effect on the individual and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
. I completely disagree with
this
because social network connects loved ones,
enhances
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhance
show examples
learning and
creates
Correct subject-verb agreement
create
show examples
employment.
To begin
with, Internet applications help
people
to stay in touch with their families and friends across the globe.
This
is because one can easily make a video call to communicate with their families abroad, without travelling long distances to visit them.
For example
, through WhatsApp, international students in Australia are able to communicate with their parents and friends back home.
Hence
, it strengthens family
bond
Fix the agreement mistake
bonds
show examples
and prevents mental problems
such
as depression.
In addition
, social websites have improved education.
This
has made learning and acquisition of skills easy and convenient.
Thus
, one can be
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the comfort of their
homes
Fix the agreement mistake
home
show examples
and
be learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
online. To illustrate, during the
Covid 19
Replace the word
COVID-19
show examples
pandemic, when schools were closed down, students were able to attend classes online. If there was no social media, it would have seriously affected their learning.
Besides
,it assists learners to do more research about their studies which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
to broaden their knowledge.
As a result
, it improves academic performance.
Moreover
, Facebook and Instagram
creates
Change the verb form
create
show examples
job opportunities for
people
. Companies advertise job vacancies on social media for
people
to apply.
This
has helped
reduced
Change the form of the verb
reduce
show examples
the rate of unemployment in
society
.
Consequently
,it has helped to
curbed
Change the verb
curb
show examples
criminal activities like armed robbery in the
society
.
For instance
,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research conducted by the Ghana Police Association, in 2022,stated that the rate of crimes has drastically reduced by 60%. Since the majority of the
people
are earning an income through social networks.
This
has made
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
safe and peaceful from criminal activities.
Also
, through social media, individuals can come together in the development of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
such
as building
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
schools, hospitals and roads. In conclusion, an increasing number of
people
believe that online websites have affected individuals and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
in a negative way.
However
, I strongly disagree because it bonds families and friends, improves education and creates job opportunities.
Submitted by boadimaxwell48 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and smooth transitions. For instance, the paragraph about employment could be divided for emphasis and clarity.
task achievement
Using real-life examples is great, but make sure they are directly tied to the argument you're making. For instance, mention a specific example relevant to 'research improving academic performance.'
structure
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which strengthens the argument.
task achievement
There are coherent paragraphs with supported points, such as how social media improves education and creates job opportunities.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • detrimental
  • dysfunctional
  • impede
  • adverse
  • compulsive
  • obsessive
  • inherently
  • undermine
  • vulnerable
  • censorship
  • exploitation
  • vicious cycle
  • isolation
  • fraudulent
  • dissemination
  • manipulation
  • creativity
  • engagement
  • tolerance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: