IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Most people believe that social media such as Facebook and Instagram negatively impact on society and individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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The vast majority of
people
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 think that social platforms like Facebook and Instagram have a negative effect on the individual and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
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. I completely disagree with
this
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 because social network connects loved ones,
enhances
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhance
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 learning and
creates
Correct subject-verb agreement
create
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 employment.
To begin
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 with, Internet applications help
people
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 to stay in touch with their families and friends across the globe.
This
Linking Words
 is because one can easily make a video call to communicate with their families abroad, without travelling long distances to visit them.
For example
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, through WhatsApp, international students in Australia are able to communicate with their parents and friends back home.
Hence
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, it strengthens family
bond
Fix the agreement mistake
bonds
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 and prevents mental problems
such
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 as depression.
In addition
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, social websites have improved education.
This
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 has made learning and acquisition of skills easy and convenient.
Thus
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, one can be
at
Change preposition
in
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 the comfort of their
homes
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home
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 and
be learning
Wrong verb form
learn
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 online. To illustrate, during the
Covid 19
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COVID-19
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 pandemic, when schools were closed down, students were able to attend classes online. If there was no social media, it would have seriously affected their learning.
Besides
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,it assists learners to do more research about their studies which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 to broaden their knowledge.
As a result
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, it improves academic performance.
Moreover
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, Facebook and Instagram
creates
Change the verb form
create
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 job opportunities for
people
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. Companies advertise job vacancies on social media for
people
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 to apply.
This
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 has helped
reduced
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reduce
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 the rate of unemployment in
society
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.
Consequently
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,it has helped to
curbed
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curb
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 criminal activities like armed robbery in the
society
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.
For instance
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,
a
Correct article usage
apply
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research conducted by the Ghana Police Association, in 2022,stated that the rate of crimes has drastically reduced by 60%. Since the majority of the
people
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 are earning an income through social networks.
This
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 has made
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
Use synonyms
 safe and peaceful from criminal activities.
Also
Linking Words
, through social media, individuals can come together in the development of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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such
Linking Words
 as building
of
Change preposition
apply
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schools, hospitals and roads. In conclusion, an increasing number of
people
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 believe that online websites have affected individuals and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 in a negative way.
However
Linking Words
, I strongly disagree because it bonds families and friends, improves education and creates job opportunities.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and smooth transitions. For instance, the paragraph about employment could be divided for emphasis and clarity.
task achievement
Using real-life examples is great, but make sure they are directly tied to the argument you're making. For instance, mention a specific example relevant to 'research improving academic performance.'
structure
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which strengthens the argument.
task achievement
There are coherent paragraphs with supported points, such as how social media improves education and creates job opportunities.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • detrimental
  • dysfunctional
  • impede
  • adverse
  • compulsive
  • obsessive
  • inherently
  • undermine
  • vulnerable
  • censorship
  • exploitation
  • vicious cycle
  • isolation
  • fraudulent
  • dissemination
  • manipulation
  • creativity
  • engagement
  • tolerance
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