IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Write a letter to the information officer at the tape information office asking for information about the tertiary preparation certificate. Describe your education background and your reason for wanting to do the course

To, The information officer. Dear Sir/ Madam, I am Omkar Sharma and I recently saw a television advertisement regarding the certifying course that your institution is offering. Let me provide you
a
Add the preposition
with a
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summary of my education, I graduated in mass media
Along with
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 that
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 pursued a
film making
Correct your spelling
filmmaking
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 certificate
last
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 year which will be completed soon. The tertiary preparation program that your institution
isoffering
Correct your spelling
is offering
offering
currently
Add a missing verb
is currently
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 in demand. It is
also
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 quite reasonable in the current market. Certainly, it will be helpful to me
in contrast
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 with
filmmaking
Correct article usage
the filmmaking
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 industry.
Although
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this
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 program will cover major topics related to
film making
Correct your spelling
filmmaking
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.
Furthermore
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,
Iwould
Correct your spelling
I would
 like some information on the eligibility criteria, availability slots and other major requirements if any. I have attached my mailing address and contact details
along with
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this
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 letter and I am hoping to hear from you soon. Yours faithfully Omkar

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coherence cohesion
Your letter could be more clearly structured by dividing it into paragraphs: one for your introduction, one for your educational background, one for your rationale for the course, and one for your request for further information.
task achievement
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrases that should be corrected for greater clarity. For example, instead of 'isoffering,' it should be 'is offering,' and 'Along with that i pursued' should be 'Along with that, I pursued'.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing are appropriately formal and fit the tone of the letter well.
task achievement
You successfully cover the significant points that need to be addressed: your background, the course you are interested in, and the information you need.
The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

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