A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
The contradiction between opposing views of how
animals
must be treated is a long standing
Add a hyphen
long-standing
arguement
. Some people argue that these living beings have the same level of Correct your spelling
argument
consciouness
as Correct your spelling
consciousness
a
human Correct article usage
apply
being
and must be treated Fix the agreement mistake
beings
eqaully
. Correct your spelling
equally
However
, the various needs to to
exploit them for our own Remove the redundancy
apply
benefits
appears to be Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
inhumanes
. In the discussion below I will Correct your spelling
inhumane
discussing
my opinions on both views and will be leaning towards the prior one.
On one hand, Change the verb form
discuss
be discussing
animals
should be treated equally as human beings. Eventhough
, they don't speak the same language they understand the emotions of fellow humans and have their own. Correct your spelling
Even though
For example
, service animals
have provided emotional support and rescue dogs have helped to detect and rescue humans trapped beneath the ruins. The ability to understand, communicate and assist us would make them consciously parallel to us, reminding that
they need to be treated as Correct pronoun usage
us that
equal
.
Fix the agreement mistake
equals
On the other hand
, animals
have been exploited since agricultural
revolution. Add an article
the agricultural
For example
, meat
industry treats Correct article usage
the meat
animals
inhumanely justifying it on cost effectiveness. In addition
, research industries justify that the outcomes of these dead animals
could save thousands of lives, through new breakthrough discoveries in health
sector. Add an article
the health
However
, the guidelines for these
animal care Correct determiner usage
apply
doesn't
justify the immense amount of pain.
In conclusion, Correct subject-verb agreement
don't
animals
must be treated humanely and the
exploitation should be minimized by finding new technologies that could replace them for our own purposes.Correct article usage
apply
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task achievement
Work on ensuring that your main points are thoroughly supported with relevant examples and explanations. This will help to better demonstrate your stance and improve the clarity of your arguments.
coherence
Make sure each of your paragraphs has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. This will help to enhance the logical flow of your essay.
general
Proofread your work for minor errors in spelling and grammar to enhance the overall quality of your writing.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents both views before giving an opinion, which is essential for a balanced discussion.
coherence
The introduction and conclusion are both present and clearly defined, which provides a solid framework for your essay.
task achievement
You showed a good attempt to address the complexity of the topic by offering reasons and examples for both sides of the argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.