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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.
#show #changes #ownership #appliances #amount #time #housework #households #country
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The changes in
Add an article
the property
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property
Fix the agreement mistake
properties
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 of gadgets working on electricity
such
Linking Words
 as washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
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,
Use synonyms
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
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 and
vacuum
Use synonyms
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
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 and
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
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 of time spent doing housework at home in a single country over a period of 99 years. A glance at the line chart provided reveals that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaner was by far the most utilized appliance.
While
Linking Words
Use synonyms
refrigerator
Correct article usage
the refrigerator
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 was used at a small amount over the period shown.
Washing
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The washing
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 machine was the most common gadget in 1920 at a rate of 40 %. Meanwhile,
vacuum
Use synonyms
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
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 have figures at 30 % and
Use synonyms
refrigerator
Add an article
the refrigerator
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 was the least utilized appliance with figures at 1 %. After 40 years in
1960
Add a comma
1960,
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refrigerator
Use synonyms
 overcame the other two appliances at a rate of 90 %
,
Remove the comma
apply
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while
Linking Words
washing
Correct article usage
the washing
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 machine and
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaner were at
a
Correct article usage
the
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 same rate of 70 %.
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
The refrigerator
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Refrigerator
Correct article usage
The refrigerator
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 reached
Change preposition
apply
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to
Change preposition
apply
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a peak of 100 % in 1980 and
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 the single leader until 2000
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 when
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the vacuum
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vacuum
Correct article usage
the vacuum
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Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
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cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
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 reached the peak of 100 % as
Use synonyms
refrigerator
Add an article
a refrigerator
the refrigerator
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. Time spent washing clothes, preparing meals and cleaning reached 50 hours in 1920 and fell slightly to 20 hours per week in 1960.
Then
Linking Words
 it decreased to a negligible amount of time of 10 hours in 2019.
Submitted by Shaxnoza on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words refrigerator, vacuum with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • electrical appliances
  • housework
  • time frame
  • variables
  • trends
  • significant milestones
  • turning points
  • correlation
  • reduction
  • influenced
  • societal implications
  • quality of life
  • gender roles
  • economic implications
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