IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The chart below show household spending patterns in two countries between 1980 and 2008.

The chart below show household spending patterns in two countries between 1980 and 2008.
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The pie chart demonstrates
household
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the household
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 proportion of spending in
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UK
Correct article usage
the UK
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 and New Zealand in
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years
Correct article usage
the years
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 1980 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, It is noticeable that the proportion of spending on
food
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 and
drink
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 decreased in both countries over the
28 year
Add a hyphen
28-year
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 period.
While
Linking Words
 utility bills rose. New Zealand residents spent their time
to
Change preposition
on
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 utility bills than
Use synonyms
UK
Correct pronoun usage
their UK
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 counterparts. The individuals spent 23 per cent of
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money
Correct pronoun usage
their money
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 on
food
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 and
drink
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 in
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UK
Correct article usage
the UK
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. The difference between the per cent of
money
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 was 7% of
food
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 and
drink
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. The difference between the per cent of
money
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 was 12% of
food
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 and
drink
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 by 2008 year.
While
Linking Words
 utility bills
was
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were
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 increased. Leisure activities accounted
the
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for the
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 highest proportion of
UK
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 counterparts spending in both
years
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.
As well as
Linking Words
, in fact, New Zealand residents spent 18% of
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money
Correct pronoun usage
their money
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 on recreation in 1980. After that,
this
Linking Words
 level dropped to 1% by 2008. Other costs comprised
same
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the same
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 level of budget in both
years
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 during the 27
years
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words uk, years, food, drink, money with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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