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Writing Samples
Band 5

some people think that children should be homeschooled when they are very young, while others think it is better for them to attend kindergarten. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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Some say that
preschool age
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preschool-age
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kids
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 should be educated at home,
whereas
Linking Words
 others think that in school young
kids
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 can get
better
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a better
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education
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. In my opinion, a public
education
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 system has more advantages than a private home study. The two most
reasons
Correct word choice
common reasons
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 are
the
Correct article usage
apply
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developing social skills and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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having professional educators. When
kids
Use synonyms
 are in
preschool
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the preschool
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 system with
same age
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same-age
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 peers, they build up communal skills. Preschool gives them play time so that they interact with each other
while
Linking Words
 having fun.
For instance
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,
kids
Use synonyms
 are instructed to share their toys in playtime, but sometimes they fight when a peer
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
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 to keep it longer. From that moment they learn what they should do or do not for everyone’s equity from the teacher’s intervention. After that,
kids
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 realize that there are nice or mean peers in their community.
Hence
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, they obtain the ability how to deal with all different kinds of personalities from mutual interaction. Teachers who earned
the
Correct article usage
a
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 degree
of
Change preposition
in
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education
Use synonyms
 are well educated from university. They have been taught about academic knowledge, educational psychology, classroom management, teaching skills,
education
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 resources and so on.
For instance
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, a kid with ADHD
is
Verb problem
finds it
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 hard to sit still in class, a teacher knows how to help him/her focus or not
disturbing
Wrong verb form
disturb
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whole
Correct article usage
the whole
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 class. An instructor let the kid sit on the rocking chair to soothe the overactions.
In addition
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, teachers have many teaching strategies so that they know the way to induce each kid’s strengths, to encourage them to build up for their future
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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.
To sum up
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, of
course
Add the comma(s)
course,
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 home
study
Wrong verb form
studying
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 has many advantages for very young
kids
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,
however
Linking Words
, I strongly argue that preschool provides a good quality
education
Use synonyms
 by
well trained
Add a hyphen
well-trained
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 teachers and a socializing improvement by spending time with peers.

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical progression of ideas, ensuring each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and develop them thoroughly to clearly illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
Focus on a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the clarity and depth of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly sets up the argument, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points.
task achievement
The essay addresses the question and provides a balanced view, considering both sides of the argument.
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