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Band 4

Some people think that students should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community Do you agree or disagree?

#people #students #work #time #community
There are some arguments about requiring
students
 to help their
neighborhood
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neighbourhood
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 by doing volunteer
works
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work
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. From my perspective, I totally agree with
this
 idea and strongly believe that
this
 initiative could benefit both
young
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the young
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 generation and people living
near by
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nearby
show examples
 in many ways.
Firstly
, by doing chores,
students
 could sharpen their soft skills. Learning by doing is widely accepted as the best method to gain new knowledge, especially for communication skills. By asking young ones to do social activities like visiting elder people or holding events for them, they eventually
has
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have
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 stronger
connection
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connections
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 with other generations and
then
 learn to engage with people
in
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of
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 different ages.
Seconly
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Secondly
, spending leisure time in social
works
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work
show examples
 could keep young
students
 away from unwanted addictions. Nowadays, children often prefer watching TV or surfing
internet
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the internet
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 rather than hanging out with their friends or even family members. In the long term, those bad habits could lead to
disconnect
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a disconnect
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with
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from
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 real life and even become addictive
with
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to
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 virtual worlds. If we could force them to dedicate their time to help communities or make
contribution
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contributions
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 to
development
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the development
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 of surrounding areas, it could help them to pay more attention
into
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to
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 what really happening in real life.
Moreover
, by doing that we could set good environments to nurture mankind and benevolence for our young generation. In conclusion, I would emphasize my approval
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of
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for
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of
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 the idea of letting
students
to
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apply
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do
unpaid
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the unpaid
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Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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job
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jobs
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 for their communities in their availability. That idea should be implemented in all around the world.
Submitted by dinhthong1902 on

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Vocabulary
Consider using varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to enhance your writing. This will make your ideas more convincing and engaging.
Task Achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your ideas. This will help to make your arguments more concrete and persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas flow smoothly from one to the next. This will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of your essay.
Structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps the reader to understand your main point of view.
Task Achievement
You have addressed the essay prompt well and provided a complete response to the question.
Content
The main points in each paragraph are well-supported and relevant to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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