IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many young children have unsupervised access to the internet and are using the internet to socialise with others. This can lead to a number of dangerous situations which can be threatening for children. What problems do children face when going online without parental supervision. How can these problems be solved?

#children #access #internet #socialise #situations #face #supervision
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In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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light of the proliferation of technology, many threatened situations have affected negatively
children
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 when going online without parental supervision. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, it is going to provide the key problem occurring from
this
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 event and the solution will be stated in the following paragraph.
Cyber
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crimes
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 are problems that may threaten
children
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 from using the
internet
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 without supervision. When
children
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 can
access
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 the
internet
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, they may not be aware of their usage behaviours and reveal their private information to strangers, leading them to become victims of
cyber
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crimes
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.
For example
Linking Words
, young people are more likely to be deceived into making online transactions with strangers than adult
internet
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 users.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 action leads
children
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 to be more vulnerable to believe in scammers.
Thus
Linking Words
, young people can be victims of
cyber
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crimes
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 when going online without parental supervision. To address
this
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 issue, setting a rule can prevent
children
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 from
this
Linking Words
 crime. Establishing clear guidelines for
internet
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 use,
such
Linking Words
 as time-limiting or website approval, may decrease
children
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’s risk of being victims of
cyber
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crimes
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, if parents allow their offspring to
access
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 educational-related websites only, there can be less chance to meet a scammer. When young people’s
access
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 to illegal websites is limited, the number of
cyber
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crimes
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 may decrease.
Therefore
Linking Words
, having a regulation for
internet
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 use allows
children
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 to
access
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 the
cyber
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 world safely. In conclusion,
cyber
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violation
Fix the agreement mistake
violations
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 are a significant issue that threatens young
children
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 to become prey in online transactions.
However
Linking Words
, it can be prevented if adults set a rule for using the
internet
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.
Submitted by saiparnwc on

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Clear and Comprehensive Ideas
Ensure that all ideas are fully developed and clearly expressed. Sometimes, the ideas presented could be expanded upon to give a clearer understanding, especially when discussing examples or explaining solutions.
Relevant and Specific Examples
Include more detailed and specific examples to illustrate your points. This can help in making your arguments stronger and more persuasive.
Complete Response
Work on providing a deeper analysis of the issues rather than just stating them. This can enhance the quality of your essay and demonstrate a better understanding of the topic.
Logical Structure
The essay has a clear and logical structure, with an introduction, main body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Supported Main Points
The main points are supported well, making the essay easier to follow and understand.
Introduction and Conclusion Present
The introduction provides a good overview of the issue, and the conclusion summarizes the main points effectively.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unsupervised access
  • socialise online
  • inappropriate content
  • psychologically harmful
  • cyberbullying
  • mental health consequences
  • online predators
  • exploitation
  • privacy risks
  • personal information
  • identity theft
  • privacy breaches
  • time management issues
  • excessive use
  • academic performance
  • physical activity
  • unhealthy lifestyles
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