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Band 1

When choosing a job, salảy is the most important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#job #salảy
when choosing a
job
 the
salary
 is the most important consideration .
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 partly agree, in
this
 day and age the
job
 seekers want
offer
Add an article
an offer
show examples
 for a position to take a good
salary
 or stable
.on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the one hand payment shows
value
Add an article
the value
a value
show examples
 of a person at that company, having a high
salary
 shows that the person's position is more important and vice versa.
salary
solve
Correct subject-verb agreement
solves
show examples
 daily living
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
, but
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
low
earning
Fix the agreement mistake
earnings
show examples
 can reduce work performance. On the
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 I think and believe that they have other
consideration
Fix the agreement mistake
considerations
show examples
 when applying for a
job
 .
firstly
 maybe they break into
he
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 market to find out more about
relationship
Add an article
the relationship
show examples
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
manager
Fix the agreement mistake
managers
show examples
 and staff.
Secondly
,
they’re
Unnecessary verb
they
show examples
 want to learn
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
behave
Change preposition
in behave
show examples
 work environment or
ability
Correct article usage
the ability
show examples
manage
Fix the infinitive
to manage
show examples
 time
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 work.
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
show examples
 someone just chose the
job
 cause
want
Add the particle
want to
show examples
 help
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 people and contribute
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 social development
Submitted by lyhuongclc on

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structure
Your essay has addressed the topic but lacks a clear structure. Start with an introduction that clearly states your position. Then, organize your main points into separate paragraphs and end with a conclusion summarizing your view.
structure
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea and is well-developed with examples and explanations. This will improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
content
Include more specific examples and clear arguments to support your points. For instance, provide examples of how salary impacts employees' lives or how non-financial factors can influence job satisfaction.
content
Your essay shows that you understand multiple perspectives on the issue of job choice. This is a good foundation to build upon.
ideas
You have touched on some valid points such as the role of salary in reflecting a person's value and the importance of job satisfaction factors other than salary.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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