IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays, many people have to work longer hours, and they feel more stressed out than before. What are the reasons? What can employers do to make their employees' lives easier?

#people #work #hours #employers #employees #lives
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Most of the
people
 are working longer periods of
time
 than before
hence
, they have felt overwhelmed. I believe that more competition and the higher level of demand from the customers are the main reasons for
this
 issue and there is much that chairmen can do to improve their
workers
' level of life. First of all, since
people
 are looking for a way to survive, we have seen an increase in new enterprises,
therefore
 many
companies
 have risen next to others. Entrepreneurs have been facing a huge wave of new competitors and in the run for the best offer to the customers, owners have been driven to require more
time
 from their
workers
. For illustration, the shoe market which before was supported by Nike and Adidas now has an uncountable number of competitors
such
 as Hooke, Skechers and Asics that have taken a big portion of the customers.
As a result
, Nike has to increase its efforts to overcome the new competition by increasing the quantity of
time
 off work,
therefore
, increasing the staff's stress level. With
this
 in mind, the big difference in the number of
people
 between past times and now is a reason for the huge demand for services from the
people
 to new
companies
,
for instance
, a clothing factory doesn't meet the new demand unless they hire more employees or put the actual number of
workers
 to give more
time
 from them to the company's goal.
On the other hand
, employers have some different solutions available to
this
 matter including, enhancing the
workers
' environment, pricing the best efforts with free
time
, and bringing some extra holidays to remarkable employees.
To conclude
, the new era brings new and harder challenges to the owners and they must take into account that
people
 are the heart of their
companies
, and without
this
 effort made by them,
companies
 may not exist at all. By given the value they deserve,
workers
 will perform better in their jobs.
Submitted by otiyog on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Grammar
Ensure to use consistent tenses throughout the essay to avoid grammatical inaccuracies and improve readability.
Task Achievement
Include further details and examples to substantiate your points. For instance, give more specific data or multiple examples to illustrate the impact of competition on working hours and stress levels.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions to enhance the logical flow between ideas. Using transition words like 'furthermore,' 'on the contrary,' or 'as a result' could be helpful.
Task Achievement
The essay effectively highlights the reasons for increased working hours and stress by addressing competition and customer demands.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion does well to encapsulate the main points and provides a thoughtful recommendation on how to improve workers' lives.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Burnout: A state of physical and emotional exhaustion often caused by prolonged stress.
  • Telecommuting: Working from a location outside of the traditional office environment, usually from home.
  • Work-life balance: The equilibrium between personal life and career work.
  • Flexible working hours: A system that allows employees to choose their working hours within certain limits.
  • Occupational wellbeing: The overall mental, physical, and emotional health of an individual in relation to their job.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: