IELTS 15 Test4 In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cell phone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

These days
pruchasing
Correct your spelling
purchasing
any items online
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
become more convenient than using cash. The
inceased
Correct your spelling
decreased
reliance on electronic
payment
has driven
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
several compelling reasons,
namelly
Correct your spelling
namely
the enhanced effectiveness and innovation.
This
stence
Correct your spelling
stance
sentence
has
diven
Correct your spelling
driven
numerous drawbacks, but
overall
the impact
remain
Change the verb form
remains
show examples
predominantly positive as it propels the society toward progress,
empowement
Correct your spelling
empowerment
, and
impoved
Correct your spelling
improved
living standards. On the one hand,
moderization
Correct your spelling
modernization
moderation
is the main
concer
Correct your spelling
concern
for
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
spectrum of population.
Therefore
, online
payment
by using several mobile applications is an indicator of the living
standers
Correct your spelling
standards
show examples
for the country. people tend to show off their precious
possesstions
Correct your spelling
possessions
such
as cell phones and
smart watches
Correct your spelling
smartwatches
show examples
.
In addition
, using online services
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
more convenient than attending malls or shops to find the daily requirements.
Thus
, several individuals globally use
this
kind of service on a regular
bases
Fix the agreement mistake
basis
show examples
. China as a prime example is to
establishing
Change the form of the verb
establish
show examples
a digital monetary system for online
payment
without any physical cash.
On the other hand
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
identity theft has been a major
concer
Correct your spelling
concern
. Any person will basic IT skills can easily hack any device which
include
Change the verb form
includes
show examples
the bank account details.
Moreover
, Cyberbullying has been obvious
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
everyone especially among teenagers
beacause
Correct your spelling
because
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
reckless usage of mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
without any awareness of the possible consequences. Just clicking on a small ambiguous link will be enough to get access to all the personal details making it stressful for the mobile users and the possibility to ditch
this
technology.
For instance
, several financial institutes have been sending warning messages
regulary
Correct your spelling
regularly
to mobile users, aiming to hinder any cyber hack for their accounts. In conclusion,
Although
the benefits of utilizing
payment
online outweigh the imminent drawbacks.
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
identity privacy can be
endeger
Correct your spelling
endangered
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
this
technological advancement.
Submitted by ahmed_berry310eg on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
In the introduction, while the main stance is clear, it is important to avoid small spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'pruchasing' instead of 'purchasing,' 'driven' instead of 'drive,' and 'stence' instead of 'stance.'
task achievement
Ensure that every main point is expanded and fully supported by relevant examples or further explanation. For example, in the second paragraph, you mention modernization and convenience, but these ideas need deeper development and more specific examples.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, use linking words and phrases that guide the reader through your argument, such as 'Firstly,' 'Moreover,' and 'Furthermore.' Ensure that your points follow a logical sequence.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to paragraph structures. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence and maintain a single focus. Avoid repeating ideas and make sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion should restate the main arguments succinctly without introducing new information. Make sure it clearly reflects the balance of advantages and disadvantages discussed.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the argument.
task achievement
Relevant examples, such as China's digital monetary system, help illustrate your points effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: