IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishments is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion ? What sort of punishments should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children ?

There is no denying the fact that kids these days should be taught through gentle punishments sometimes. It is a commonly held belief that punishing
children
Use synonyms
 could lead them to recognise their wrong actions. There is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that opposes it.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, kids at an early age generally require a good amount of advice and teaching from their
parents
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
, sometimes
parents
Use synonyms
 can teach their
children
Use synonyms
 how to behave in certain situations strictly, which sometimes can be understood as a punishment.
For instance
Linking Words
, my three years brother used to be violent with his friends, my
parents
Use synonyms
 tried to make him understand that his behaviour could result in serious damage to his friend, but he did not pay any attention to what was being said,
consequently
Linking Words
, my dad had to use with him strict methods like limited screen time, no snacks. Another point to be considered is that punishments should not be harmful physically or psychologically. Teachers play a crucial role in teaching
children
Use synonyms
 discipline in a better way since they have studied how to behave with
children
Use synonyms
's attitudes.
For example
Linking Words
, my teacher had led me to eat clean food because of my obesity issues, by inspiring me with her positive ideas about self-love and care, as my
parents
Use synonyms
 did not have a good relationship with themselves
as a result
Linking Words
, I grew up hating myself.
To sum up
Linking Words
, despite people having different points of view, I believe that teachers and
parents
Use synonyms
 can implement a lot of good patterns for
children
Use synonyms
's behaviour .

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The argument for using punishments is there, but it could be clearer. Explain more why punishments help children learn.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences can be linked better. Try using words like 'firstly', 'next', and 'finally' to help the flow.
coherence and cohesion
You should include a clear conclusion that sums up your main points and restates your opinion more strongly.
task achievement
You provided a personal example, which makes your argument stronger and more relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • punishments
  • teaching
  • good behavior
  • parents
  • teachers
  • children
  • difference
  • right
  • wrong
  • responsible
  • rules
  • consequences
  • actions
  • physical
  • emotional
  • privileges
  • effective
  • reinforcement
  • praising
  • approach
  • guidance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: