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Band 6.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and ni daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try ot cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #competition #work #school #ni #life #ot
It is thought that daily
competition
 at work or school is a positive thing.
While
 some argue, a cooperative environment leads to a good result. The following paragraphs will shed light on both views and
also
 draw my personal opinion. In everyday life,
people
 struggle with
competition
. As an illustration, students frequently compete with one another at school. The best students ultimately win as they compete to show how serious and committed they are to their studies. It takes place at work as well. The top worker typically has the chance to get a promotion and earn a higher position. In the end, children and adults can learn about themselves including their weaknesses and strengths
along with
 their talents through
competition
.
However
, cooperation has a greater effect on
people
's lives. It is useless for
people
 to battle over others, in order to win. To exemplify, forcing students to compete with their peers might create hostility.
Not to mention
, they will deal with the hate feeling if they lose from
this
competition
.
On the other hand
, when
people
 work together as a team, it produces a positive outcome. It will
also
 result in a happier and more conducive environment.
This
 collaboration is
also
 important since it can help achieve its goal. In conclusion,
while
people
 perhaps refuse
competition
 in their daily lives, working together is far more advantageous.
Therefore
 I believe since each serves a different purpose in helping to develop the characters, it is preferable to accept both.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph addresses a single main idea clearly. The reasons and examples could be expanded and more specific to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the logical flow between sentences and use more cohesive devices to link your ideas smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Clarify certain phrases and avoid repetition to make your points clearer and more direct.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views on competition and cooperation.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear purpose and a topic sentence, contributing to a well-structured essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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