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Band 5

Many scientific institutes conduct research on live animals. Some people regard it as cruel and unnecessary while others believe it is justified in the interest of human welfare. Discuss the two views and give your reasons. Give reason for your answer.

#institutes #conduct #research #animals #people #interest #welfare #two #reason
In recent years experimenting on
animals
 to benefit human researchers become a controversial discussion that I would
to
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apply
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target
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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in
this
 essay. I think it has both positive and negative aspects,
while
 humans could benefit from
this
 testing,
animals
 might
have been
Verb problem
apply
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suffered
Wrong verb form
suffer
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by
Change preposition
from
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this
. There are many reasons that I would try to mention them.
Firstly
, it is a deniable fact the development of the healthcare system was not conceivable without some real tests on
animals
,
for example
, the polio vaccine was discovered and experimented on monkeys for the first time
however
 nowadays it is a vital vaccine for children.
secondly
, discovering operation skills for doing surgery really depends on the previous experiment on nonhuman subjects.
For example
, in the ancient
time
Add a comma
time,
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 first surgeons try initial ways on horses.
Finally
, these achievements only happened in
this
 way and all of them were necessary for the treatment of lots of diseases and helping people.
On the other
hand
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hand,
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 there are huge numbers of reasons for criticizing
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
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 of
animals
 for experiments. Some scientists do the study without considering how painful it will be, or if it causes some injury to the
animals
 should continue their life with that, it is not a fair attitude to them as they understand pain.
Additionally
, some producers do some unnecessary tests on
animals
 to secure their standards, I suppose it should be against the
roles
Correct your spelling
rules
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 and people should not purchase these goods. in conclusion, doing research on
animals
 in order to human aims might be a beneficial act
until
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apply
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now, but it is better to consider the other aspects and consequences.
Submitted by ostorr7213 on

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task achievement
Make sure to proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structure. For instance, use 'undeniable' instead of 'deniable', 'gone through these experiments' instead of 'only happened in this way', and 'attempted' instead of 'try' in past context.
coherence cohesion
The introduction could be improved by clearly stating what both sides of the argument are before stating your position. Furthermore, the conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Integrate more transitional words or phrases to improve the flow between points. Use phrases like 'Moreover', 'For instance', or 'On the flip side' to better connect your thoughts.
task achievement
Good effort in providing examples like the polio vaccine and early surgeries, which help in making your point more compelling and relatable
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are present, providing a defined start and end to your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses different perspectives on animal testing, showing an understanding of the complexities surrounding the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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