Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part pf high school programmes ( for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?
These
days
, people
care about their children, some people
think young people
should learn outside of their school
, other people
have different thinking they say we should not make stress for young people
. personally, I believe that young people
must work
to improve their skills
, in this
essay I will discuss both their opinion
and I will give my reasons.
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
firstly
, one of the biggest points is that working after school
can improve our skills
. For example
, if you have a son
who has worked for a short time he will learn a lot from his work
. This
means, when your son
has work
perhaps he learn
a new thing and he will take a new experience.
Correct subject-verb agreement
learns
secondly
, on the other side
some Add a comma
side,
people
think when your son
has plenty of hours he will get life pressure. However
, we should respect their opinion
, in addition
, more and more days
young people
have much
different Change the quantifier
many
thinkingThese
Correct your spelling
thinking these
days
, people
care about their children, some people
think young people
should learn outside of their school
, other people
have different thinking they say we should not make stress for young people
. personally, I believe that young people
must work
to improve their skills
, in this
essay I will discuss both their opinion
and I will give my reasons.
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
firstly
, one of the biggest points is that working after school
can improve our skills
. For example
, if you have a son
who has worked for a short time he will learn a lot from his work
. This
means, when your son
has work
perhaps he learn
a new thing and he will take a new experience.
Correct subject-verb agreement
learns
secondly
, on the other side
some Add a comma
side,
people
think when your son
has plenty of hours he will get life pressure. However
, we should respect their opinion
, in addition
, more and more days
young people
have much different thinkingSubmitted by yosf1010 on
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structural
Your essay lacks a clear structure. Aim to have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Try starting with introducing the topic and your stance, followed by separate paragraphs that discuss each main point.
development
The ideas are not fully developed and sometimes repetitive. Ensure each paragraph provides a new point or a different perspective relevant to the topic.
language
Minimize grammatical and language errors. Aim to use a range of vocabulary and complex sentences to better express your ideas clearly.
development
You have attempted to discuss both sides of the argument, which is good for balanced discussion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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