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Band 5

Some people prefer to live in a house, while others feel that there are more advantages to living in an apartment. Are there more advantages than disavdantages to living in a house compared with living in an apaartment?

#people #house #apartment #disavdantages #apaartment
Some
people
 like to live in a
house
 and some
people
 like to live in
an apartments
Correct the article-noun agreement
an apartment
apartments
show examples
. Some
people
 say that there are more advantages to living in an
apartement
Correct your spelling
apartment
. There are both advantages and disadvantages
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 living in an
apartment
. I will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
some pros and cons of living in an
apartment
 in the following paragraphs.
Overall
,
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 to live our life is in
house
Add an article
the house
a house
show examples
 than
Change preposition
in apartments
show examples
apartments
Fix the agreement mistake
apartment
show examples
. We have
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
many restrictions in living in an
apartment
. It depends upon the
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 necessity and needfulness.
Firstly
, some
people
 in the world prefer to live in a
house
 and it is the best option for them to lead their life peacefully without any restrictions, no rules and regulations.Living in an
apartment
 the advantages are we will
more
Add a missing verb
have more
show examples
people
 so we can connect with them and we can build our networking. Children will be happy because they have more friends and they can enjoy their free time. At some point
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 they can get
know
Fix the infinitive
to know
show examples
 each other well.
Secondly
, there are some restrictions that should be followed by the
people
. There will be water scarcity and electricity problems.Some
people
 will
be hesitated
Wrong verb form
hesitate
show examples
 to connect with the
people
 and some fights may
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
happen. The most important thing is that we will not find any privacy. We would
living
Change the verb form
live
be living
show examples
 in a
house
 is
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 option without anyone's disturbances . We have good privacy and we live our life
however
 we want.Nowadays, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 started to live a
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
 rather than living in
an apartments
Correct the article-noun agreement
an apartment
apartments
show examples
.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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task achievement
Provide a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to give a better overall understanding of the essay structure.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points, which will enhance the argument and make it more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea, and avoid mixing multiple ideas in a single paragraph to improve logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Work on transitions between paragraphs to make the essay flow more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the main points more effectively to give a sense of closure.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
An effort is made to discuss both advantages and disadvantages, showing a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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