IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Advertising is all around us, it is an unavoidable part of everyone’s life. Some people say that advertising is a positive part of our lives while others say it is a negative one. Discuss both views and include your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#part #everyone’s #life #people #lives
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Advertising is all around us, we come across it every day either
in
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on
show examples
TV or
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our phones. Some
people
 say that advertising is a positive part of our lives
while
 others say it is a negative one.
This
 essay will
discusses
Change the verb form
discuss
show examples
 some views and
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 my opinion about it. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, advertising could be considered
as
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apply
show examples
a
positve
Correct your spelling
positive
 side of marketing, since
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
many small businesses that are trying to
extent
Replace the word
extend
show examples
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 work depend on it.
Moreover
, it provides a large number of
people
 a good paying jobs,
while
 these jobs are making a business grow more. 
On the other hand
, advertising can be
considerd
Correct your spelling
considered
 as a misleading method, as it could change the reality. Some
people
 believe it is a lie not truth.
For example
, when a passenger is booking his/ her hotel room, they may
chosse
Correct your spelling
choose
 a room
according to
 the photos of it
in
Change preposition
on
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 the website, but these
photoe
Correct your spelling
photos
photo
 may not
tilling
Verb problem
tell
show examples
 the truth.
this
 is the bad side of advertising. In my opinion, I think that if advertising
used
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is used
show examples
 with manners, it will be the future of all companies. Since
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 I
believe
Wrong verb form
have believed
show examples
 that advertising employees are
successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
. I
remamber
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remember
 when I went to
Londen
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London
show examples
, I was looking for a nice flat to stay in, until
a
Correct pronoun usage
I
show examples
 found a reasonable price flat in an
applicaition
Correct your spelling
application
 that my friend
recomaneded
Correct your spelling
recommended
. My friend was a realtor, so she sent it to me and told me that
this
the
Add a missing verb
was the
show examples
 one.
Becease
Correct your spelling
Because
 I
trust
Wrong verb form
trusted
show examples
 her I took it. And it was a very cosy apartment.
The
Correct your spelling
This
show examples
 is
way
Correct your spelling
why
show examples
 I
truely
Correct your spelling
truly
 advise students to choose it as a major.  In conclusion,
people
 have two controversial ideas about advertising. Some are saying
that is
 deception, and some are saying not. I think that advertising is the perfect method if it
used
Add a missing verb
is used
show examples
 right.
Submitted by layan992015 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay addresses all aspects of the task. In this essay, discussing both views about advertising could be done more thoroughly and could benefit from additional relevant examples.
coherence and cohesion
In your introduction, clearly state the main points that will be discussed in the essay. This can help guide the reader and provide a clearer structure.
task achievement
Your main points need more development. Add more specific examples and explanations to support your arguments. This will make your main points clearer and more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your essay by using transitional words and phrases to link your ideas and paragraphs. This will help your reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
You provided both sides of the argument, which is essential for this essay type.
task achievement
You included personal examples, which can help illustrate your points more vividly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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