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Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people believe that climate has the greatest effect on people's way of life. Other believe that the economy of the region has the greatest effect. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

#people #climate #effect #life #economy #region
Some individuals argue that climate has a huge
effect
in
Change preposition
on
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 people's way
life
Change preposition
of life
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,
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 argue that the economy of the region has the biggest
effect
. In
this
essay
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essay,
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 I will discuss both
view
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views
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 and outline my own opinion. First
off
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of
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 all, It
well-known
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a well-known
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 fact that huge changes in climate
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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 our
life
 in
good
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a good
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 way and
helped
Wrong verb form
help
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 us to have a good
life
. for
exmaple
Correct your spelling
example
, in the past people
were working
Wrong verb form
worked
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 in hard conditions to provide for their families like
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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working in hot and humid weather, but nowadays with
the
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apply
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new innovations like A/C we can do the same work but in
Correct article usage
a confortable
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confortable
Correct your spelling
comfortable
 environment.
Secondly
, There is no doubt that the economy has a great
effect
 on our way of living.
For instance
, many governments started to invest more in their regions like building new museums, sporting facilities, and public services, and encouraging local investors to contribute to the society by opening new restaurants and coffee shops to attract more tourists. In conclusion, I firmly
beileve
Correct your spelling
believe
 that both climate and
Correct article usage
the economy
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economy
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economic
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 region
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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effected
Correct your spelling
affected
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 our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 dramatically,
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 of the bad weather there
was
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were
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 many innovations that made us tackle
this
 obstacle. meanwhile
Add a comma
,
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governments
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government
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 funding and
investing
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investment
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 in regions
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 made
individuals
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individuals'
individual's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 more comfortable and worth living.
Submitted by abdullahnawaf_511 on

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grammar
Improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation. For instance, "First off all" should be "First of all" and "effect our life in good way" should be "affect our lives positively."
content
Work on extending your ideas fully. Some points were a bit general and could benefit from more elaboration. For example, expanding on how governments' investments directly impact individuals' lives could strengthen your argument.
vocabulary
Vary your vocabulary and sentence structures more to make your writing more engaging. For example, instead of repeatedly using 'effect', try synonyms like 'impact', 'influence', or 'shape'.
task response
The essay covers both viewpoints and provides a balanced discussion. This is good for task achievement as it ensures a comprehensive response.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which aids in coherence and cohesion.
examples
The examples given, such as those related to innovations like A/C and local investments, are relevant to the points being made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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