In current days people says that influence of adversiting some products are motive to sell products instead of demand of this product, I agree with that because actually people buy products more to instinct than necessity.
Firstly
, There are reason
to people buy Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
products
when they do not need it
, our mind works Correct pronoun usage
them
different
Change the adjective
differently
that
we think. Most consumers are hypnotized by marketing campaigns and the companies spend a lot of money to research and Correct word choice
than
discovered
how they can sell more and more based Wrong verb form
discover
in
our wishes. Our mindset is programmed since we Change preposition
on
has
been Change the verb form
have
Add an article
a child
child
to compare material Fix the agreement mistake
children
thinks
or to be Correct your spelling
things
how
Correct word choice
like
others person
that we have Fix the agreement mistake
other people
been
admired. Unnecessary verb
apply
For
example
buyers always can the same clothes or jewels Add a comma
example,
like
a famous celebrity, Change preposition
as
furthermore
, buy a specific technology such
as a mobile phone while
a new model Correct word choice
when
have
been launched.
Change the verb form
has
On the other hand
, there are some products
in marketplace
with remarkable sales only because Add an article
the marketplace
quality
production or usability, and it Change preposition
of quality
occurs
usually with new Verb problem
apply
products
, as soon as it
Correct pronoun usage
they
became
famous, probably the industry will invest in massive and large marketing campaigns.
In conclusion, Wrong verb form
become
although
there are some products
that have surging
only based on awesome characteristics, In my Wrong verb form
surged
opnion
, our minds are easily influenced by marketing and by other people, it is a tendency to copy or show that we can buy Correct your spelling
opinion
moreover
a way to show power, and it far outweigh
whatever good specification of Change the verb form
outweighs
products
.Submitted by lucianocamilot on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a coherent argument but could benefit from a clearer structure, particularly in the introduction and conclusion. Introducing your opinion more explicitly at the beginning would help guide the reader through your essay.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your claims, and elaborate on these examples to demonstrate a clear relationship between advertising and consumer behavior.
coherence cohesion
While your ideas are valid, the argumentation can be clearer. For instance, the transition between discussing consumer behavior and product quality could be smoother.
general
Be cautious with grammar and syntax. Phrases like 'our mind works different that we think' and 'our mindset is programmed since we has been child' contain errors. Improving these would enhance clarity.
task achievement
You effectively highlight the significant role advertising plays in influencing consumer behavior, which is the central point of the essay.
task achievement
There is a clear attempt to discuss both sides of the argument, which demonstrates balance.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion neatly summarizes your main points and reiterates your opinion, providing a sense of closure.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.