IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful than those countries which do not have a long working time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is often argued that nations, which have a longer working
schedule
Use synonyms
, are more economically successful than those with shorter working times.
This
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 essay disagrees with that statement because
western
Capitalize word
Western
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countries
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 do not have a long working
time
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 and long working
hours
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put
Verb problem
have
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 an adverse effect on a country’s
economy
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. The primary reason long working
hours
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 are not beneficial to enhance the
economy
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 of a
nation
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because
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is because
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 the Western world does not follow
this
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 trend.
This
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 is because
countries
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, in North America and Europe, have eight
hours
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 of working
schedule
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 in a day and have
time
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 off at weekends because these
countries
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 give emphasis to work-life balance.
This
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 results in them enhancing their productivity, which eventually boosts the
economy
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 of the country.
For instance
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, the USA has
8
Correct your spelling
8-hour
hours
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shift
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shifts
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 in a day for most of the
jobs
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 and individuals are usually free at weekends, which is the key attribute for their rising
economy
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. Another reason is that a long working
schedule
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 is detrimental to the
economy
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 of a
nation
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.
This
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 is because when citizens spend more than twelve
hours
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 a day at the workplace doing the same monotonous
jobs
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, they get bored because their
jobs
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 are not fulfilling.
As a result
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, they do not put their efforts into work, which is not beneficial for the economic condition of their
nation
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.
For example
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, in India,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people usually spend 12
hours
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 at
their
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apply
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work doing tiring
jobs
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.
Consequently
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, the workers do not put their best into their
jobs
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. In conclusion, a long working
time
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 is not as good as a short working
schedule
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 for the economic success of a country because many
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
countries
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 have moderate working schedules and spending so much
time
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 at work is not beneficial for the
economy
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 of a
nation
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.

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task achievement
Although the essay provides a comprehensive response to the prompt, it would benefit from a more nuanced discussion. For instance, acknowledging exceptions or grey areas could make the argument more robust.
coherence cohesion
Improving paragraph transitions will make the essay more cohesive. Try using linking phrases at the start of paragraphs to better guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion sections are clearly delineated. They should succinctly summarize the main arguments without introducing new information.
task achievement
Further detail and elaboration could be added to some points. For instance, more specific examples beyond the USA and India could lend greater credibility to your assertions.
task achievement
The essay effectively uses relevant examples, such as the USA and India, to support its points. This adds a layer of credibility to the argument.
coherence cohesion
The main points of the essay are clear and well-structured, maintaining focus throughout.
task achievement
The essay successfully presents a clear stance, disagreeing with the statement, and consistently supports this viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
The argument is logically structured with separate paragraphs clearly dedicated to each main idea, aiding readability and comprehension.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic success
  • working hours
  • productivity
  • sustainable development
  • work-life balance
  • labor laws
  • efficiency
  • gross domestic product (GDP)
  • burnout
  • occupational health
  • technological innovation
  • industrialized nations
  • emerging economies
  • workforce
  • competitiveness
  • workplace culture
  • employee turnover
  • quality of life
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