IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say subjects like art, music, drama and creative writing are more beneficial for students and therefore they need more of these subjects included in the school timetable. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is believed that the reason why
art
Use synonyms
-related
subjects
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 should be added
into
Change preposition
to
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 the school curriculum is because they give students more benefits.
This
Linking Words
 writer agrees with
this
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 statement as these
subjects
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 enhance creative thinking and relieve
stress
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although
Linking Words
 others hold the opposite view because they do not support academic learning. Central to the discussion point is
subjects
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 related to
art
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 can enhance creative thinking.
Subjects
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such
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 as creative writing, drama, music and
art
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 involve creativity because they require imagination to create artistic masterpieces. With regular practice of these
subjects
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,
art
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 students’ creative thinking abilities will be developed
as a result
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.
This
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 is evident in the development of children who draw many pictures, the complexity of
pictures
Correct article usage
the pictures
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 that they draw, as
an
Correct article usage
apply
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evidence of their creativity, increases
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accordingly
Correct your spelling
according
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 to the number of practices they have done.
However
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, others reject the idea of inserting
art
Use synonyms
-related
subjects
Use synonyms
 into schools’ timetables as they believe that they do not aid students in learning academic ones. They thought that these
subjects
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 involve
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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 that
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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 not prove any relevance to their academic counterparts
that
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and that
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 mainly require logical thinking.
This
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 may be true, but most difficult questions of academic
subjects
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 need creative ways to find the ultimate solution.
For example
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, some geometry exercises require a great deal of creative thinking to solve them.
This
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 writer believes that
by
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apply
show examples
adding
subjects
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,
for instance
Linking Words
, music,
art
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, creative writing and drama can reduce
stress
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. As attending academic lectures is stressful
due to
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 the pressure to perform in a way
that is
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 accurate, learning
subjects
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 related to
art
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 can
has
Wrong verb form
have
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 the opposite effect because students are free to perform in a way that
please
Change the verb form
pleases
show examples
 them. By doing so, they will gradually reduce the
stress
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 after a day studying hard
subjects
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. Taking all points into account,
although
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 artistic
subjects
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 may not support academic learning, they
also
Linking Words
 benefit learners as a form of fostering creative thinking and
stress
Use synonyms
 reliever.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
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 author contends that these
subjects
Use synonyms
 should be inserted into schools’ timetables.

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task achievement
Make sure to refine your examples and ensure they are highly relevant to the point being made.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the transitions between paragraphs for even smoother readability.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have maintained a logical structure throughout the essay, making it easy to follow your arguments.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, addressing the task response effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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