IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The line graph shows the number of players in four different sports (badminton, tennis, basketball, rugby) in a particular European country between 1985 and 2005.

The line graph shows the number of players in four different sports (badminton, tennis, basketball, rugby) in a particular European country between 1985 and 2005.
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The line graph illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of
players
Use synonyms
 that had taken part in four different kinds of sports in Europe between 1985
to
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 2005. In 1985,
Rugby
Use synonyms
players
Use synonyms
 had 250 contestants competing each year.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
tennis
Use synonyms
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
 was at its lowest point, with only 150
players
Use synonyms
 listed.
However
Linking Words
, after ten years, in 1995, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
rugby
Use synonyms
 competitors experienced a slight decrease to only 200
players
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the total
number
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 of people taking part in
tennis
Use synonyms
 matches went through a slight rise with an increase of 50
players
Use synonyms
 compared to 10 years ago. Despite these two different facts regarding the data, it can be seen there was an intersection point in the graphic as the
number
Use synonyms
 of
players
Use synonyms
 in both leagues during 1995 had
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 figure at 200
players
Use synonyms
.
Next,
Linking Words
throughout the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 1995 to 2005, the list of
rugby
Use synonyms
players
Use synonyms
 underwent a massive downhill
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and reached its lowest point with only 50
players
Use synonyms
 left in 2005.
Whereas
Linking Words
, in
Use synonyms
tennis
Correct article usage
the tennis
show examples
 category, the
number
Use synonyms
 went through a steady increase until they reached their peak with around 225 troupes that had joined in 2005.
Lastly
Linking Words
, in the badminton and basketball categories, both sports experienced a steady development with more or less 50
troupe
Change to a plural noun
troupes
show examples
 in badminton, and 75 to 80
troupe
Fix the agreement mistake
troupes
show examples
 in basketball games.
To sum up
Linking Words
, in 1985,
rugby
Use synonyms
 was one of the most popular sports, but as time went on,
tennis
Use synonyms
 participant in popularity in 2005 even when it was compared to
basketball
Correct article usage
the basketball
show examples
 and badminton categories.
Submitted by kelly on

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, players, rugby, tennis with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • number of players
  • line graph
  • sports categories
  • fluctuations
  • trends
  • upward trend
  • downward trend
  • peaks
  • plateaus
  • popularity
  • time period
  • significant changes
  • comparative analysis
  • demographic
  • sports culture
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