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Writing Samples
Band 7

Students are becoming more and more reliant on the Internet. While the Interest is convenient, it has many negative effects and it’s use for educational purposes should be restricted. How far do you agree with this statement? Give reasons for you answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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The amount of using the
internet
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 by
students
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 has been a vital topic of debate.
While
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 there are various benefits to using the
Internet
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, detrimental consequences should not be ignored. So I strongly agree with the limitation of using the
internet
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 for
students
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 which will be discussed through compelling reasons. First of all, using the
internet
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 for long hours can contribute to harmful effects for both
students
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 and families as a whole, leading to the increase of a sedentary lifestyle and physical challenges
such
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 as obesity.
Therefore
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, limitations on the hours of using the
internet
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 not only prevent
children
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 from physical health diseases but can
also
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 yield
overall
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 well-being and health.
For instance
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, if
children
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 spend less
time
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 gazing at their monitors,
this
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 approach can successfully lead to more physical activities
such
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 as playing outdoors with other neighbors’
children
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.
Moreover
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,
this
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 trend can help parents to encourage their
children
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 to spend their leisure
time
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 more productive.
On the other hand
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,
however
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,
students
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 need to search through the
Internet
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 for their assignments and research, spending excessive
time
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 can contribute to worse effects,
such
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 as a deep sense of depression and decreased social interactions. A prime illustration of
this
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 is a teenager who spends excessive
time
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 on the
Internet
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 playing online games.
Thus
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,
this
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 trend can result in damaging social interaction.
As a result
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, it is essential to enhance the public awareness of both parents and
students
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, to be aware of the damaging effects of using countless of these activities. In conclusion, there are various opinions toward using the
internet
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 by
students
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.
Although
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students
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 need to search on the
Internet
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 to do their assignments, I firmly believe that the limited
time
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 of using the
Internet
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 can encourage
students
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 to be more sociable and productive, leading to avoiding mental and physical diseases.

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, consider providing more specific examples to support your points. This will help in illustrating your arguments more effectively.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, try to ensure that every paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, helping to maintain a clear flow of argument throughout the essay.
introduction
The introduction is clear and sets up the discussion effectively, establishing a viewpoint and mentioning the main points that will be addressed.
conclusion
The conclusion restates the main points clearly, providing a solid end to your discussion and reinforcing your position.
developed main points
Main points are clearly explained, showing a good understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Internet reliance
  • information overload
  • misinformation
  • critical thinking
  • evaluation skills
  • credible sources
  • academic dishonesty
  • self-paced learning
  • customised learning
  • interactive content
  • traditional teaching methods
  • engagement
  • guidance
  • learning experiences
  • online plagiarism
  • unregulated use
  • balanced approach
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