Mobile phones have brought many benefits, but they have also had negative effects. Do the disadvantages of having mobile mobile-phones outweigh the advantages?
The cell
phones
, which we have been using, it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
provides
us with a great deal of convenience and benefits, Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
nevertheless
it could make
some drawbacks Verb problem
cause
for
Change preposition
to
people
's life
. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Although
there are too many positives for
obtaining information and Change preposition
to
doing
Verb problem
apply
communication
effortlessly, some individuals are getting less active by using Replace the word
communicating
phones
wrongly.
More recent decedes
mobile Correct your spelling
decades
phones
have been giving diverse opportunities for people
. One of the finest side
of it is getting in touch easily. Change to a plural noun
sides
This
possibility makes individuals
life better. Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
That is
to say, in order to speak with whoever, it will not require too much effort. Apart from that, as a result of communication , distribution
of data is getting quicker than Correct article usage
the distribution
previous
years. Change preposition
in previous
For instance
, over the past years, to inform some rules or somewhats , they had to gather every citizens
in one place, but it is arduous to do so. Change to a singular noun
citizen
Therefore
, with reference to people
, it is useful
tool to be aware Add an article
a useful
about
all quickly.
Change the preposition
of
On the other hand
, while
individuals find other handy ways of using phones
, some influencers have already found the methods utilising it
Correct pronoun usage
them
negatively
. The main reason Change the word
negative
of
that, Change preposition
for
it
really Add a missing verb
is it
disturbes
and Correct your spelling
disturbed
disturbs
it
attracts humans Correct pronoun usage
apply
,
so Remove the comma
apply
that
it is hard to concentrate on one thing fully now. Correct word choice
apply
For example
, many parents have observed that, in students
lives the massive distruber has already been mobile Change noun form
students'
student's
phones
,due
to Correct word choice
and due
this
their learning efficiency is being reduced. Thus
, there are also
negatives which can interrupt people
, especially when they need to focus on their works
.
In conclusion, as far as I am concernedFix the agreement mistake
work
that
, even though thereCorrect word choice
apply
a
lot of detrimental aspects of it, beneficial features are dominated constantly. Owing to Add a missing verb
are a
this
, people
can not overcome from drawbacks it
easily because they have Correct pronoun usage
apply
adopted
to Correct your spelling
adapted
this
type of life.Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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coherence cohesion
To enhance the logical structure of your essay, ensure each paragraph is focused on a single idea and flows smoothly from one point to the next. Use transitional phrases to help guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Providing more specific examples and elaborating on your points would strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive. For instance, you could include statistics or studies related to phone usage and its impacts.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present, try refining them to be more impactful. Clearly state your stance in the introduction and summarize your key points more succinctly in the conclusion.
task achievement
Work on articulating your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Avoid vague statements and ensure each idea or argument is thoroughly explained.
task achievement
Your essay covers both the advantages and disadvantages of mobile phones, showing a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
The overall structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, is present and effective.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic
IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.
Answer structure for the type of essay
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – advantages
- Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- The main advantage is...
- The disadvantage of this...
- The main benefit...
- Despite these advantages...
- One possible drawback...