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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table shows data about underground railway systems in six major cities with date open, km of routes, and passagers numbers per year in millions.

The table shows data about underground railway systems in six major cities with date open, km of routes, and passagers numbers per year in millions.
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The table describes data about the underground
railway
Use synonyms
 systems in six major
cities
Use synonyms
 with
date
Correct article usage
the date
show examples
 opened,
Use synonyms
kilometers
Change the spelling
kilometres
show examples
 of route, and passenger numbers per
year
Use synonyms
 in millions. It is shown in the table that the first
railway
Use synonyms
 to open between the six
cities
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 the
railway
Use synonyms
 in London in 1863, followed by Paris in 1900 and Tokyo in 1927. These
three
Use synonyms
cities
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 have the longest route in
kilometers
Use synonyms
 with 394, 199, and 155
kilometers
Use synonyms
 respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
, these
three
Use synonyms
cities
Use synonyms
 have some of the highest number of
passengers
Use synonyms
 per
year
Use synonyms
, with London at 775 million, Paris at 1191 million, and Tokyo at 1927 million
passengers
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Washington DC, Kyoto, and Los Angeles had their
railway
Use synonyms
 systems opened
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1976, 1981, and 2001 consecutively. The
three
Use synonyms
 city's railroads cover a relatively shorter distance than the previous
cities
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, with the longest route in Washington at 126
Use synonyms
kilometers
Change the spelling
kilometres
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 Kyoto and Los Angeles only
covering
Wrong verb form
cover
show examples
 11 and 26
Use synonyms
kilometers
Change the spelling
kilometres
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
passengers
Use synonyms
 they get in a
year
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 significantly lower than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
three
Use synonyms
 other
cities
Use synonyms
 with 144, 45, and 50
passengers
Use synonyms
 in Washington, Kyoto, and Los Angeles respectively.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of people and
distance
Fix the agreement mistake
distances
show examples
 covered by railways built in 1976 to 2001 have
lower
Add an article
a lower
show examples
 amount of
passengers
Use synonyms
 a
year
Use synonyms
 and cover shorter
distance
Fix the agreement mistake
distances
show examples
 than railways built
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1863 to 1927.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words railway, cities, kilometers, year, three, passengers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "data" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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