Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries?
Numerous people in underdeveloped countries have to face death from diseases that are actually curable
due to
the fact that they cannot pay for the required drugs. In my opinion, the world citizen's health is important, so medication prices should be reduced to match their financial ability. By then
, they will not be haunted by the fear of not getting proper drugs.
Currently, accessibility and affordability of general medicine are crucial for the sustainability of the population, particularly in poor countries. Being able to get the right pharmaceutical prescription for common ailments is essential, this
is because it will be deeply regretted when people die of such
kind of disease. For example
, the counter for malaria has already been found. Despite the founding of the malaria cure, people still died from it because they were unable to buy the drug, whether it was too expensive or it was not available. This
kind of event is preventable if they can afford the medicine and it is in stock.
Furthermore
, making pharmaceutical products available at such
affordable prices will prevent the ailment from spreading. This
will help the government to build a long-lasting community that disease-free. In addition
, the risk-free population will make a convenient environment for raising the next generation. Therefore
, such
kind of act is needed for the sake of a better world.
In conclusion, I strongly agree that drug companies should lower their products and make them accessible even in remote countries to help prevent illness. A little act like decreasing the medication prices can lead to a greater impact in the future.Submitted by nputera.ramadhani on
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task achievement
Your essay successfully achieves a complete response to the prompt. However, to strengthen the task achievement, you could include more specific and varied examples. For instance, mentioning specific diseases in addition to malaria and discussing different regions could add depth.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear and comprehensive. Yet, a bit more elaboration and clarification would benefit the reader's understanding. Consider providing more detailed explanations, such as the specific mechanisms by which affordable drugs improve public health and specific challenges that drug companies face in reducing prices.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a logical structure, leading the reader through a clear argument. However, linking words and phrases could be used more effectively to show the relationship between ideas. For instance, using transition words like 'Moreover,' 'Additionally,' or 'Consequently,' will improve the flow.
coherence and cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are well-presented, maintaining a clear and concise opinion. For further improvement, ensure the conclusion synthesizes your key points more elaborately rather than just repeating them.
coherence and cohesion
Main points are well-supported, though some arguments could benefit from further evidence and examples. Adding statistical data or studies can make your points more persuasive.
task achievement
The essay maintains a strong focus on the task and addresses the issue directly, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay makes it easy to follow, showing clear organization in presenting the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame the discussion. This gives the essay a solid foundation and closure.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example