In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of helth and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
It is often thought that in several countries, the common amount of extra weight is growing and time of physical
activity
and well-being level is going down. There are number
of reasons for Change the article
a number
the number
this
to happen, in
Correct word choice
and in
this
essay
they will be discussed and given solutionsAdd a comma
essay,
to
.
One of the first Change preposition
apply
problem
is that the popularity of fast food and other unhealthy meals has dramatically increased recently. They contain Change to a plural noun
problems
the
amount of fat and sugar Correct article usage
an
that is
much larger than in homemade food, therefore
people
gain weight without changing theirs
Correct the word
their
activity
. Another major problem is passive
Correct article usage
the passive
lifestyle
. Because of business, work and overall
activity
habits people
tend to sit most of the day, resulting in certain health
problems developing.
It is important to take actions
to prevent consequences that are more serious. Fix the agreement mistake
action
Government
should spend more budget and increase Correct article usage
The government
popularity
and accessibility of a healthier Correct article usage
the popularity
lifestyle
, by giving people
motivation to be more conscious of a
Remove the article
apply
health
importance, for example
doing a TV program with easy and healthy food recipes or building more approachable fitness centers. People
themselves also
have to make changes. Revising lifestyle
and choosing what is better for them will help a lot. Switching to bikes as a way of transportation and cooking homemade meals for a week in
weekends, if they do not have enough time, are great ideas to start with.
Change preposition
at
To conclude
, health
and bodyweight
are frequent problems these days. They are caused by Correct your spelling
body weight
busy
Add an article
a busy
lifestyle
, but could be easily changed. Being more considered
of eating and Replace the word
considerate
activity
habits would change a lot, government’s health
department should also
take actions
.Fix the agreement mistake
action
Submitted by zerdeteacher2024 on
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coherence cohesion
The introduction is clear but could be more concise. Work on providing a clearer thesis statement that previews the main points.
task achievement
Examples provided are somewhat generic; include more specific examples or statistical data where possible.
task achievement
Elaborate more on the solutions. While the essay mentions what governments and individuals can do, these points can be further developed to make a stronger argument.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.
task achievement
The essay identifies clear causes and solutions to the problem, demonstrating a good understanding of the task.
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