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Band 5

In many countries, governments spend significant resources on promoting national culture through festivals, museums, and public television programs. What are the advantages and disadvantages of governments promoting national culture?

#countries #governments #resources #culture #festivals #museums #television #programs
In the globalization era, some traditional cultures are threatened to fade in time,
hence
 why, the governments have been spending more
budget
 to promote the national identity.
This
 essay will discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of spending significant resources
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 maintaining
culture
. Recently, the
government
 has been planning their
budget
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 film festivals, special museum exhibitions, and public television programs with the purpose
to present
Change preposition
of presenting
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
culture
 to a wider audience.
This
 motivates local artists to promote themselves and
imbuing
Wrong verb form
imbue
show examples
 their traditional roots through their creations. As an example, the
government
 spent a big
budget
 to sponsor
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
local film production to compete in the international film festival. Positively, not only
this
 phenomenon
creates
Correct subject-verb agreement
create
show examples
 international awareness of our country, but it
also
 raises the pride of the national citizens when their
culture
 is being represented internationally. Despite the benefits, there are several disadvantages that may backfire the original purpose.
While
 it is true that it is important to prioritize the popularizing of a national identity,
however
, there are many priorities on the list
that
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 neglected. In developing countries, people
suggests
Change the verb form
suggest
show examples
 that the economy should be concentrated on the well-being of citizens
such
 as combatting poverty, education, and health systems.
For instance
, Soekarno, the former president of Indonesia spent an enormous
budget
 on building historical statues
instead
 of building infrastructure and distributing healthcare for the people.
As a result
, there was a great national
dicourse
Correct your spelling
discourse
 and
increased
Correct article usage
an increased
show examples
 the
numebr
Correct your spelling
number
 of
oppositions
Fix the agreement mistake
opposition
show examples
 because people were losing their trust in the
government
. In conclusion,
while
 it is crucial to maintain the national
culture
, there has to be a balance in the amount of resources to be spent by the
government
, especially in
regards
Fix the agreement mistake
regard
show examples
 to the priority list.
Submitted by kelly on

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task achievement
Your essay essentially covers the task quite well, discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of government spending on national culture promotion. However, to enhance your task response, try to delve a bit deeper into each advantage and disadvantage, explaining why they are significant.
task achievement
Work on presenting your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Ensure each main point is fully developed and easy to follow. Providing more detailed explanations and a few additional specific examples can help.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure, and you have a clear introduction and conclusion. However, consider improving transitions between your ideas to enhance the flow.
coherence cohesion
While your main points are supported, they could be further strengthened with more detailed explanations. This would improve the coherence of your arguments.
task achievement
The introduction sets up the topic well and gives a clear sense of what the essay will cover.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear conclusion that appropriately summarizes your main points and offers a balanced view.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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