Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
Talking to the issue of whether the upsides of many
museums
charge
Wrong verb form
charging
people
for the entry fee while
the other museums
are free to visit
outhweigh
the downsides or not is a controversial one. The following essay will illustrate two of the principal reasons why I personally don't believe.
Correct your spelling
outweigh
outweighs
According to
basic knowledge, there is no admission fee for European students
to visit
the one of famous museums
in France, which is named Louvre. Firstly
, Louvre
doesn't Correct article usage
the Louvre
charge
any fee for European students
but adults
, there are still a lot of Change preposition
for adults
people
want
to go to Correct pronoun usage
who want
visit
this
museum, they
still have to earn some money to employ some managers, Correct word choice
but they
securities
, and cleaners to maintain the Fix the agreement mistake
security
enviroment
and safety. Correct your spelling
environment
However
, all of these jobs should belong to government
management field because Correct article usage
the government
this
is about education. Secondly
, if local students
want to visit
the other museums
have to spend a lot of money to buy the tickets, but in my opinion, I would
believe that the Verb problem
apply
government
could have taken advantage of the residents
taxes to afford these payments.
Change to a genitive case
resident's
residents'
Nevertheless
, some people
might think it makes sense to pay some if you want to learn something which is extracurricular, it is an indisputable thing. I think the way what Louvre did is the best because of
they only Change preposition
apply
charge
the
foreigners and other Correct article usage
apply
people
who are not european
Change the capitalization
European
students
. Foreigners didn't pay any fees to the local government
and the government
could merely focus on the local students
, so it will make that having extra profits to afford all of the human resources and help education get better at the same time.
To sum up
, everything has two opposite sides, as what
I mentioned, I personally do not think the pros of Correct pronoun usage
apply
charge
Change the verb form
charging
people
for admission to museums
outweigh the disadvantages .Submitted by eddie910208 on
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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents your opinion. Currently, it is somewhat vague and could be more concise.
coherence cohesion
Develop your ideas more clearly and cohesively. Some sentences are a bit difficult to follow and could benefit from smoother transitions.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and elaborations to support your points. This will make your argument more persuasive and clear.
task achievement
You have a clear understanding of the topic and have provided relevant examples, like the Louvre.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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