Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

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Talking to the issue of whether the upsides of many
museums
charge
Wrong verb form
charging
show examples
people
for the entry fee
while
the other
museums
are free to
visit
outhweigh
Correct your spelling
outweigh
outweighs
the downsides or not is a controversial one. The following essay will illustrate two of the principal reasons why I personally don't believe.
According to
basic knowledge, there is no admission fee for European
students
to
visit
the one of famous
museums
in France, which is named Louvre.
Firstly
,
Louvre
Correct article usage
the Louvre
show examples
doesn't
charge
any fee for European
students
but
adults
Change preposition
for adults
show examples
, there are still a lot of
people
want
Correct pronoun usage
who want
show examples
to go to
visit
this
museum,
they
Correct word choice
but they
show examples
still have to earn some money to employ some managers,
securities
Fix the agreement mistake
security
show examples
, and cleaners to maintain the
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
and safety.
However
, all of these jobs should belong to
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
management field because
this
is about education.
Secondly
, if local
students
want to
visit
the other
museums
have to spend a lot of money to buy the tickets, but in my opinion, I
would
Verb problem
apply
show examples
believe that the
government
could have taken advantage of the
residents
Change to a genitive case
resident's
residents'
show examples
taxes to afford these payments.
Nevertheless
, some
people
might think it makes sense to pay some if you want to learn something which is extracurricular, it is an indisputable thing. I think the way what Louvre did is the best because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they only
charge
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
foreigners and other
people
who are not
european
Change the capitalization
European
show examples
students
. Foreigners didn't pay any fees to the local
government
and the
government
could merely focus on the local
students
, so it will make that having extra profits to afford all of the human resources and help education get better at the same time.
To sum up
, everything has two opposite sides, as
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
I mentioned, I personally do not think the pros of
charge
Change the verb form
charging
show examples
people
for admission to
museums
outweigh the disadvantages .
Submitted by eddie910208 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents your opinion. Currently, it is somewhat vague and could be more concise.
coherence cohesion
Develop your ideas more clearly and cohesively. Some sentences are a bit difficult to follow and could benefit from smoother transitions.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and elaborations to support your points. This will make your argument more persuasive and clear.
task achievement
You have a clear understanding of the topic and have provided relevant examples, like the Louvre.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
What to do next:
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