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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the proportions of adults in Canada who own one car, two cars, more than two cars, or who do not own a car.

The chart below shows the proportions of adults in Canada who own one car, two cars, more than two cars, or who do not own a car.
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The pie chart shows the proportion of adult
car
Use synonyms
 owners, in Canada, in terms of how many
cars
Use synonyms
 they own.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 most of the Canadian adult population
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 ownership of
cars
Use synonyms
;
however
Linking Words
, a majority of them only have one
car
Use synonyms
. Over 50% of the people
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
have ownership of a single
car
Use synonyms
, in Canada,
while
Linking Words
 the percentage of people owning two
cars
Use synonyms
 is not greater than 25%. That being said, the figure for two
cars
Use synonyms
 is the second highest, right after the figure for one
car
Use synonyms
. Moving on to the remaining 25% of the chart,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
belongs to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals who have no
cars
Use synonyms
 and three or more
cars
Use synonyms
. It is evident from the chart that people owning more than two
cars
Use synonyms
 account for the lowest proportion,
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
 about 10%.
Finally
Linking Words
, approximately one-sixth of the adults in Canada do not have any
cars
Use synonyms
 of their own.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words car, cars with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Proportion
  • Percentage
  • Ownership
  • Trend
  • Urban
  • Rural
  • Public transportation
  • Environmental impact
  • Government policies
  • Subsidy
  • Electric cars
  • Cultural attitudes
  • Income level
  • Economic factors
  • Technological advancement
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