Some experts believe that when a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens any more satisfied. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#experts #country #wealth #citizens

With an ever-increasing concern about the relation between economic

wealth

and happiness, some

individuals

have opined that economic

increase

in rich

countries

does not imply more

satisfaction

for their

citizens

This

essay will,

however

, provide some reasons why I firmly disagree with the given opinion.

To begin

with, some

individuals

argue that an additional

increase

in the economy in a rich country would not bring

further

satisfaction

citizens

. From the perspective of

individuals

, they have been suffering from a sense of desire and feelings

due to

circumstances where those are not the materials that can be solved with economic

wealth

Therefore

, those

individuals

can not benefit from an additional

increase

in economic

wealth

Furthermore

, compared to non-wealthy

countries

, wealthy

countries

have shown the highest suicide rates which proves that being economically wealthy has less impact on an individual's

satisfaction

of life. In spite of those reasons mentioned above, I completely contend that an additional

increase

in economic

wealth

does make its

citizens

more satisfied. Providing a few agreements on previous arguments and moving to other

individuals

can illuminate a different perspective. The

most

Correct word choice

highest

show examples

priority is to maximize their mental and physical well-being, and

this

consequently

demonstrates the increased life quality standards through enough financial provisions

such

as high-quality education and work-life balance.

Therefore

, an additional

increase

in economic

wealth

would be beneficial for

citizens

for their sense of happiness.

Moreover

, other factors must be weighed in appreciating the actual causal relationship between the increased economic

wealth

and the

satisfaction

citizens

. In conclusion, some

individuals

argue that an additional

increase

in economic

wealth

in rich

countries

will not satisfy the

citizens

Nevertheless

, making

citizens

satisfaction

more achievable will require more considerations, and

thus

most relevant parties in the society should be entirely involved for more sustainable advantages.

Submitted by rachael0124 on Thu Jun 13 2024

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task achievement

Work on providing more specific examples to support your arguments. Currently, the essay lacks concrete instances or studies that could strengthen your points.

coherence cohesion

Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar. A few sentences are slightly unclear, which can affect the overall readability of your essay.

task achievement

Clear stance: You have very clearly stated your position on the topic and maintained it throughout the essay.

coherence cohesion

Logical organization: Your essay is well-organized with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

coherence cohesion

Solid main points: The main arguments you presented are coherent and relevant to the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

298 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some experts believe that when a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens any more satisfied. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

People living in the twenty-first century generally have a better quality of life than people who lived in previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think is the cause for this? What a possible solution can you suggest?

Shopping online is getting more and more popular in recent years. E-commerce becomes one of the most vibrant industries that represent for new ear of technology. In this essay, drawbacks and benefits of shopping online will be discussed in further details.