Some people think that in order to solve traffic and transportation problems, people should be encouraged to live in cities rather than in suburbs or in the countryside To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Intro:
Some
people
assert that it is advisable for society to live within urban town area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
instead
of rural area
. It is disagreed that residing in Fix the agreement mistake
areas
urban
city will reduce the Correct article usage
an urban
congestions
and manage to handle the commuting Fix the agreement mistake
congestion
issues
. Analyzying
the Correct your spelling
Analyzing
incapabilty
of providing great Correct your spelling
incapability
capability
facility
to commute, Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
as well as
the decentralitation
of business districts in uptown will prove Correct your spelling
decentralisation
decentralization
this
.
Firstly
, most of the transportation issues
that people
try to avoid to is
Change preposition
are
traffic
jam, when
Correct word choice
which
it
happens because of many Correct pronoun usage
apply
variation
of causes, involving Change to a plural noun
variations
the
limited access Correct article usage
apply
for
public transport. Change preposition
to
For example
, if people
tend to choose their own individual vehicles to go around the city, it is more ineffective rather than using public vehicle
. Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
For instance
, country
like Japan emphasizes Add an article
a country
on
establishing public transport, Change preposition
apply
then
expect
Correct subject-verb agreement
expects
for
their Change preposition
apply
people
to use public transport instead
of their car. Thus
, even though the majority of their people
live in suburbs
, Correct article usage
the suburbs
but
it turns out positive to reduce the Correct word choice
apply
traffic
issues
.
Secondly
, one of the root cause
of bad Fix the agreement mistake
causes
traffic
issue
is linked to poor urban planning. Take Jakarta as Fix the agreement mistake
issues
example
, Add an article
an example
due to
the
all industries Remove the article
apply
such
as,
Remove the comma
apply
factory
, government Fix the agreement mistake
factories
institution
, business Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
district
and Fix the agreement mistake
districts
the
others Correct article usage
apply
are to
too focused Verb problem
being
in
the city, Change preposition
on
people
do not have any other option to go. Then
, it creates people
more crowded in one area
, then
related to traffic
issues
. Thus
, it concludes that as long as Correct article usage
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
only has
a few Change the verb form
have
destination
to goChange to a plural noun
destinations
Change preposition
to, then
,
Change preposition
to, then
then
it will not solve the transportation issues
.
To summarise, living in the countryside does not bring concrete solution
to society to have Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
a
better commuting . Remove the article
apply
Therefore
, it is crystal clear that the notion of residing in rural area
have no relation Fix the agreement mistake
areas
for
solving transportation problems.Change preposition
to
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coherence cohesion
Your essay needs a clearer logical structure. Ensure each paragraph flows logically from one to the next, maintaining a clear progression of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen your introduction and conclusion. The introduction should include a clear thesis statement outlining your stance, and the conclusion should succinctly summarize your main points and restate your position.
coherence cohesion
Each main point should be fully developed with clear explanations and examples. Expand on your arguments to demonstrate depth of understanding and analysis.
task achievement
You have addressed the topic, but ensure your essay fully responds to all parts of the task. Provide a more comprehensive discussion of the idea of encouraging people to live in cities versus suburbs or the countryside.
task achievement
Ensure your ideas are clearly expressed and your arguments are easy to follow. Avoid overly complex sentences that might confuse the reader.
task achievement
You have included relevant specific examples, such as the reference to Japan's public transportation system, which strengthens your arguments.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example