IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Nowadays, more and more people from different cities are spending more time away from their families. What are the possible reasons and the effects on the people themselve and their families?

#people #cities #time #families #effects #themselve
In modern life, increasing
people
 tend to spend lots of
time
 away from their
families
.
Due to
 studying with good quality and cutting-edge equipment in order to broaden lots of academic skills
as well as
 gain some success in their life,
people
 choose to stay far away from their
families
. Regarding their influence ,
people
 can learn how to live without receiving assistance from their
parents
 like paying the bills, cooking or cleaning the house. First and foremost, lots of
people
 usually live far away from their hometown to study or work.
In other words
, they can live alone in different cities for a long
time
.
In addition
, some workers immigrate to developed to land a decent and steady job.
For example
, a large number of students study in Nguyen Khuyen High School, who live far away from their
parents
 to gain some achievement and find a good career in the future.
Moreover
,
due to
 living in the countryside where education is still not popular and the government do not focus too much on them.
Therefore
, school in the cities is the priority for the
parents
 to choose. They think that studying in the cities will produce a holistic learning approach,
then
, children can acquire better job prospects.
This
 problem will have some effects on themselves and their
families
.
Firstly
, they will become independent because of doing everything by themselves like cooking, cleaning their room or earning money to make a living.
Secondly
, living far away from their
parents
 will help
people
 feel homesick for the year because they cannot share emotions with their
families
 and they can't eat home-cooked food. In conclusion,
people
 will face some problems if they live far away for a long
time
.
Although
 becoming a successful entrepreneur,
people
 have to live in different places but they can spend some
time
 visiting their hometown when they have a short break.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to clearly support your points. This will help in illustrating your arguments more vividly and make your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition of points and ensure a seamless flow of ideas. This will enhance the cohesion and readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
task achievement
The topic is addressed well, and the essay shows a good understanding of the reasons and effects of the issue. There is a clear division and labeling of ideas in the body paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: