Life has become much more stressfull compared to our parent’s generation.As a result stress related illnesses are increasing around the world.Why is stress such a problem in the modern world and what do you think can be done to overcome the problems caused by stress?
It is clear that
our life
is more stressfull
Correct your spelling
stressful
compare
to our parent's generation. As a Wrong verb form
compared
consequenc
, Correct your spelling
consequence
stress
leads to a wide variety of health problems
and these health problems
are increasing in the world. I will explain why is stress
a negative point in the
modern societies and how we can overcome the tension.
Correct article usage
apply
To begin
with , it is undeniable that our lives
is
full of Change the verb form
are
stress
because of
many reasons , Change preposition
for
such
as increasing modern lives
and competition for buying house
or car to flaunt Correct article usage
a house
the
wealth. Correct article usage
apply
On the other hand
, according to
industry lives
and the existance
of Correct your spelling
existence
manufacture
to provide Wrong verb form
manufacturing
people
's needs , governments have to take heavy tax
from families to expand Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
its
own products. Correct pronoun usage
their
Accordingly
, this
issue causes many problems
, such
as heart's
Change noun form
heart
problems
on the ground that stress
for
money and create Change preposition
apply
poor
society in the world. Add an article
a poor
This
issue can be effectively on education also
due to
lack
of money Correct article usage
a lack
for
continue Change preposition
to
the
academic education. So , some children have Correct article usage
apply
stress
for illitrate
. Since it may they can not be educated Correct your spelling
illiterate
people
.
It is clear that
we should find a solution for this
topic. In my opinion , first of all , all people
must take life
easy and do meditation and exercise in their lives
. It is reallu
helpful for decreasing Correct your spelling
really
stress
in life
. second , it is Correct article usage
the duty's
duty's
governments to make Change preposition
duty of
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
life
for citizens by create
good job opportunities Change the verb form
creating
as well as
high salary
for perfect facilities in Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
people
's lives
. Moreover
, people
should raise their abilities for
Change preposition
to
doing
new skills in society for improvement and vanish Verb problem
learn
stress
.
To sum up
, stress
can not be seperate
from our Correct your spelling
separated
separate
lives
, But we can control that by extend
our skills and Wrong verb form
extending
recognise
our priorities in our Wrong verb form
recognising
lives
. In the meantime , governments have a main role in our stress
in different branches such
as ,
economy and career.Remove the comma
apply
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task achievement
Try to use more specific examples to clearly support your main points. For instance, mention specific stressful situations like balancing work and family life, or the pressure to perform academically.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your arguments. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, creating a cohesive structure.
general
Focus on grammar and vocabulary improvement to avoid small but frequent errors. For example, 'compare' should be 'compared,' 'consequenc' should be 'consequence,' etc.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the introduction and conclusion for better impact. Summarize your main points more clearly.
task achievement
You have identified a relevant topic and have provided a clear response to the task by discussing both the causes and solutions for stress.
coherence cohesion
You’ve attempted to structure your essay with clear paragraphs, each addressing different points of the argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example