Nowadays, many families have both parents working. Some working parents believe other family members like grandparents can take care of their children, while others think childcare centres provide the best care. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Opinions are divided on whether
children
can be looked after by grandparents because their
parents
have to work or whether
childcare
centres
are the most effective
care
.
While
I understand the logic behind the former view, I am still in favour of the latter. Those who believe that old people can take
care
of their kids may have an argument. They may well argue that family members can
care
for kids carefully.
This
may be true because
children
who stay at home can be provided with the highest standard of food
as well as
living.
This
will bring many benefits in developing the
children
's physical
as well as
mental health
such
as gaining weight or feeling comfortable when living far away
parents
.
As a result
, taking
care
of
children
is the responsibility of grandparents
while
their
parents
are working.
For instance
, many Vietnamese families have both
parents
working, the
children
are usually sent to the countryside for grandparents because of trust.
Nevertheless
, I still believe that
childcare
centres
can provide the best
care
to
children
for a reason. Chief among these is that the quality of the study environment can have a positive impact on the awareness of
children
. The reason for
this
is that kids communicate with others like friends or teachers early, thereby building their confidence and developing study skills which is beneficial for their future.
Furthermore
, if they can take advantage of basic lessons about soft skills, it will help them to develop comprehensively.
As a result
,
parents
tend to enrol in
childcare
centres
for
children
.
This
helps adults have more time to tackle their problems in life
as well as
encourages
children
to be interested in learning. In conclusion, it is understandable why some may argue that old people can
care
for
children
effectively.
However
, I would take the view that
childcare
centres
can provide the best
care
.
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coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured and coherent. However, to reach a higher band, ensure that transitions between paragraphs and ideas are even smoother. Use linking phrases consistently to enhance the logical flow of the argument.
task achievement
You have responded effectively to the task and provided a complete argument. To improve further, ensure every point you make is deeply developed with specific and relevant examples. This will help in providing a comprehensive argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to balance the length of your body paragraphs. This will give a more cohesive appearance to your essay and ensure that each point is equally emphasized.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and well-connected to the task, making your essay easy to follow.
task achievement
Your task response is strong, as you have effectively discussed both views and provided a reasoned opinion.
task achievement
Your language use, particularly in providing clear and comprehensive ideas, is impressive and contributes to a strong argument.

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