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Discipline is a growing problem in modem schools. Some people think that parents should discipline their own children, while others think it should be the responsibility of the school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#discipline #modem #schools #people #parents #children #responsibility #school
Discipline
 is widely recognized as a crucial trait for the future generation.
However
, whether
parents
 or schools should primarily be responsible for
this
 is still a controversial matter. In
this
 essay, I will argue that family influences are paramount in forming
children
's
discipline
.
Initially
,
parents
 play a crucial role in disciplining their
children
. They are the first individuals who shape their
children
’s characteristics through daily exposure and requirements.
For example
, many mothers now require their
children
 to brush their teeth and clean their play areas after relaxation. When
parents
 consistently reward duties,
such
 as giving praise or a small gift after
children
 complete tasks, it helps lay a solid foundation of
discipline
 from an early age.
Conversely
, constructive criticism or appropriate punishment for incomplete tasks can enhance
children
’s self-control.
Consequently
, maintaining a hygienic environment improves
children
's health and instils a habit of cleanliness, reducing irresponsible behaviours like littering.
Children
 who develop meticulous habits are less likely to make careless mistakes,
such
 as errors in academic tests.
Nevertheless
, schools
also
 play an important role in training students. In high school,
children
 are educated in a disciplined environment where they need to eliminate distractions and focus on self-studying with the support of tutors. Students must maintain
this
 habit to keep pace with their peers
instead
 of falling behind. They are required to read tutor-recommended materials before participating in lessons.
As a result
,
children
 in
such
 environments strengthen their
discipline
, achieve more goals, and enhance their academic outcomes.
To conclude
, both
parents
 and schools are accountable for instilling
discipline
 in
children
.
While
parents
 lay the foundation through daily activities, the school environment and habits intensify
this
 trait. Ultimately, I believe that parental influence is the most important factor.
Submitted by lenam2k1 on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear response to the task prompt by discussing both views and clearly stating your opinion. However, you could provide a bit more depth and development of your arguments to enhance clarity and comprehension.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well-organized into clear paragraphs with appropriate introductions and conclusions. The transitions between points are mostly smooth. However, ensure that each point is sufficiently developed to maintain coherence and clarity throughout.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance, setting the stage for a well-structured argument.
task achievement
Your examples, such as the parents' role in teaching discipline through daily habits and rewards, are relevant and help to effectively support your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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