Some people think that it's important to spend a lot of money on family celebration (e.g. weddings, birthdays). But some people say that expensive celebrations are a waste of money. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

It is argued, that
surtain
Correct your spelling
certain
individuals highly recommend spending on special
occations
Correct your spelling
occasions
while
others
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
.In
this
essay ,I will discuss both perspectives to
illstruate
Correct your spelling
illustrate
the logic behind it.
Firstly
, For the
people
who consider paying a great
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
of expenses regarding a
celebraion
Correct your spelling
celebration
. they
beileve
Correct your spelling
believe
that investing an amount of money is worth it in order to have the perfect
ceromony
Correct your spelling
ceremony
. So they
priorities
Replace the word
prioritise
show examples
materials
.
Correct your spelling
For
for example
, there was a study that
analaysed
Correct your spelling
analysed
analyzed
that
people
spent 45% of their savings to pay for weddings . which is a large number
esspecialy
Correct your spelling
especially
that
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can differ depending on the culture and
socitey
Correct your spelling
society
. On the other side , For
people
who think that spending too much is a waste of money ,
They
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
beileve
Correct your spelling
believe
that
people
should focus and
charish
Correct your spelling
cherish
the memorable event
instead
of focusing on materials , in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
opinion,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
do agree with
this
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Because
while
it is great to have an
enourmerous
Correct your spelling
enormous
party , It shouldn't
negitavely
Correct your spelling
negatively
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
their savings . They could invest it in assets that would
genrate
Correct your spelling
generate
dividens
Correct your spelling
dividends
therefore
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
have a higher return that would benefit them in the long-term
instead
of wasting it in a
surtain
Correct your spelling
certain
event. In conclusion ,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
even though everyone has a different point of view it depends on the
individuals
Change to a genitive case
individual's
individuals'
show examples
income and how it
effects
Replace the word
affects
show examples
their stability .
Submitted by nouf.alkhalaifi2 on

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grammar
Improve grammatical accuracy, such as subject-verb agreement and correct spelling (e.g., change 'surtain' to 'certain').
coherence
Enhance coherence and cohesion by providing clear topic sentences for each paragraph and ensuring a logical flow of ideas.
examples
Provide more specific and varied examples to support your points (e.g., different cultures, different types of celebrations).
introduction
Work on the introduction to be more engaging and clear about what you will discuss. Merge it seamlessly into the body paragraphs.
task response
Clarify your position more effectively in your opinion and link it more directly to the discussion paragraphs.
content
Good understanding of both perspectives and a balanced discussion.
reasoning
Formulates an opinion and attempts to support it with logical reasoning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • extravagant
  • financial strain
  • milestones
  • lavish
  • materialistic
  • long-term investments
  • humanitarian aid
  • familial bonds
  • well-planned
  • industries such as catering, photography, and venue hire
  • emotional aspects
  • significant money
  • significant milestones
What to do next:
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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