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Band 3.5

Some people say that to benefit the development of a child, the mother and father should take parenting classes. To what extent you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #benefit #development #child #mother #father #classes
Child
development
 is influenced by whether the
parents
 were prepared through classes. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 the statement is not entirely true. A
child
 can have a good
development
 without the
parents
 having preparation classes.
On the other hand
, the courses can bring a good benefit too in raising a
child
. Preparation classes are not necessarily needed for a
child
 to grow well. It is because other factors can bring benefits to a
child
's
development
,
such
 as living in a safe environment and being provided with nutritious foods in daily meals.
For example
, a
child
 who lives in a good
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
 can have a better play time with their surroundings to stimulate the brain establishment. It is
also
 the same as having healthy food for their brain.
However
, taking courses to learn about
child
development
 can be a good use for
parents
 to gain more knowledge about raising a
child
. The reason is that in the class,
parents
 will be taught important lessons.
Furthermore
, they can meet other
parents
 and share important insights with each other. In conclusion, taking a preparation class can
bring
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
benefit
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
child
's
development
, but it is okay too if the
parents
 just provide a good environment and healthy food for their kid.
Submitted by jermias.darondo89 on

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task achievement
The essay would benefit from a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to give a direct response to the prompt. Stating explicitly whether you agree or disagree and to what extent will provide clarity.
task achievement
Some supporting arguments could be elaborated further with more specific examples and evidence. This will strengthen the relevance and impact of your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on connecting your ideas more fluidly. Employ more cohesive devices such as transition words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view by acknowledging both sides of the argument, which helps in presenting a comprehensive analysis.
coherence cohesion
The main structure of your essay is logical with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in understanding your viewpoints clearly.
task achievement
You have made an effort to explain your points with examples, which helps in illustrating your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • discipline techniques
  • conflict resolution
  • child development stages
  • parental confidence
  • unified approach
  • parenting roles
  • child-rearing
  • preventative measure
  • effective communication
  • common pitfalls
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