The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and solution of this disturbing trend.
In recent years, the number of unfit
children
in Western countries has been reported to rise unexpectedly in the Use synonyms
last
Linking Words
one
decade. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Therefore
, in Linking Words
this
essay, I will discuss some causes of why Linking Words
this
Linking Words
happen
and the solution to prevent it.
With the advancement in technology, there has been much modification Change the verb form
happens
on
Change preposition
in
food
. Use synonyms
This
Linking Words
lead
to the creativity of neglecting the quality of the Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
food
nutrients, including in producing confectionary Use synonyms
food
and snacks. Use synonyms
However
, Linking Words
children
as consumers are unaware of the effect of consuming too much of them as the Use synonyms
intake
of artificial Use synonyms
sweetener
and other chemical ingredients will lead to obesity. Fix the agreement mistake
sweeteners
Moreover
, Linking Words
this
situation is Linking Words
also
supported by Linking Words
the
other Correct article usage
apply
factor
, Fix the agreement mistake
factors
such
as the power of marketing. Linking Words
For instance
, Linking Words
children
choose to eat cereals for breakfast because the mascots create an exciting eating experience, yet they forget to realize that the Use synonyms
sugar
Use synonyms
intake
in cereal is far higher.
Use synonyms
However
, there are a few concrete steps to prevent the increasing percentage of overweight Linking Words
children
. Use synonyms
Firstly
, the government must provide Linking Words
a
guidance regarding the necessary Remove the article
apply
sugar
Use synonyms
intake
for Use synonyms
children
at Use synonyms
moderate
rate. The second solution is restricting companies Add an article
a moderate
in
using artificial Change preposition
from
sweetener
in Fix the agreement mistake
sweeteners
food
manufacturing. Use synonyms
Lastly
, the government should create an effective campaign that will educate both parents and Linking Words
children
about the dangers of eating processed foods and ensure that all parents understand Use synonyms
this
situation.
In conclusion, Linking Words
while
the trend of overweight Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
pose
a threat to the future generation, some solutions like restricting artificial Change the verb form
poses
sugar
in Use synonyms
food
production and providing guidance for Use synonyms
sugar
Use synonyms
intake
and Use synonyms
campaign
will absolutely prevent Fix the agreement mistake
campaigns
this
case Linking Words
to happen
beyond what is expected.Change preposition
from happening
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, and consistently refer back to this idea to maintain coherence.
task achievement
Further elaborate on your points with more specific examples and detailed explanations to enhance clarity and comprehensiveness.
coherence cohesion
Vary your sentence structures and use a range of cohesive devices to improve the overall flow of the essay.
introduction conclusion
You have presented a clear introductory paragraph that sets the stage for your discussion.
task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the task by discussing both the causes and potential solutions for the increase in overweight children.
introduction conclusion
You have concluded the essay effectively by summarizing the main points and reiterating the importance of the solutions.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example