The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and solution of this disturbing trend.

#percentage #children #society #ten #years #trend

In recent years, the number of unfit

children

in Western countries has been reported to rise unexpectedly in the

last

one

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

decade.

Therefore

, in

this

essay, I will discuss some causes of why

this

happen

Change the verb form

happens

show examples

and the solution to prevent it. With the advancement in technology, there has been much modification

Change preposition

show examples

food

This

lead

Correct subject-verb agreement

leads

show examples

to the creativity of neglecting the quality of the

food

nutrients, including in producing confectionary

food

and snacks.

However

children

as consumers are unaware of the effect of consuming too much of them as the

intake

of artificial

sweetener

Fix the agreement mistake

sweeteners

show examples

and other chemical ingredients will lead to obesity.

Moreover

this

situation is

also

supported by

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

other

factor

Fix the agreement mistake

factors

show examples

such

as the power of marketing.

For instance

children

choose to eat cereals for breakfast because the mascots create an exciting eating experience, yet they forget to realize that the

sugar

intake

in cereal is far higher.

However

, there are a few concrete steps to prevent the increasing percentage of overweight

children

Firstly

, the government must provide

Remove the article

apply

show examples

guidance regarding the necessary

sugar

intake

for

children

moderate

Add an article

a moderate

show examples

rate. The second solution is restricting companies

Change preposition

from

show examples

using artificial

sweetener

Fix the agreement mistake

sweeteners

show examples

food

manufacturing.

Lastly

, the government should create an effective campaign that will educate both parents and

children

about the dangers of eating processed foods and ensure that all parents understand

this

situation. In conclusion,

while

the trend of overweight

children

pose

Change the verb form

poses

show examples

a threat to the future generation, some solutions like restricting artificial

sugar

food

production and providing guidance for

sugar

intake

and

campaign

Fix the agreement mistake

campaigns

show examples

will absolutely prevent

this

case

to happen

Change preposition

from happening

show examples

beyond what is expected.

Submitted by kelly on Fri Jun 14 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, and consistently refer back to this idea to maintain coherence.

task achievement

Further elaborate on your points with more specific examples and detailed explanations to enhance clarity and comprehensiveness.

coherence cohesion

Vary your sentence structures and use a range of cohesive devices to improve the overall flow of the essay.

introduction conclusion

You have presented a clear introductory paragraph that sets the stage for your discussion.

task achievement

Your essay provides a complete response to the task by discussing both the causes and potential solutions for the increase in overweight children.

introduction conclusion

You have concluded the essay effectively by summarizing the main points and reiterating the importance of the solutions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

267 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4
band
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career , while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after graduating from high school . Dicuss both views and give your opinion .
some indviduals thinks that optaning a college dgree would improve your chances for better employee states , which i do believe as well because its rais your oppertionties to get a desant income in future mean while othere group thinks starting a job after finishing secondary school is more benifishal this essay will explor both prespective
6.5
band
You have received a letter from your local library about a new history course they are planning to run soon. Write a letter to the center. In your letter • Find out more about the course • Ask about the requirements for the course • Ask about the course fees
I am writing in connection with a new history course which will be held at White Library. Having received the letter from the library, I realized this program. Owing to my passion to history, I am willing to have access to more information about this program. It is important for me to know about the duration, the date of begging and ending, the study plan, and the tutor who will teach.
4.5
band
In Some Areas Of The US, A Curfew Is Imposed In Which Teenagers Cannot Be Out Of Doors At Night. Do you agree or disagree with this?
Teenagers cann't be out of doors at night has become an intergal part of the rising debate in the present world, including Vietnam. While components of the argument are in favor, however, the opponents are completely against the relevance of the "Teenagers cann't be out of doors at night". i will discuss some of the biggest causes associated with " Teenagers cann't be out of doors at night", before suggesting possible solutions.
4.5
band
The plans below showe the layout of a public library now, and how it will look after development.
Contained in the diagrams is information pertaining to how a public library will be changed in the future.
8
band
write a letter to your manager ask for some time off to complete a qualification
Hope this letter finds you well. I am writing this letter to ask you for one week time off from work.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and solution of this disturbing trend.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career , while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after graduating from high school . Dicuss both views and give your opinion .

You have received a letter from your local library about a new history course they are planning to run soon. Write a letter to the center. In your letter • Find out more about the course • Ask about the requirements for the course • Ask about the course fees

In Some Areas Of The US, A Curfew Is Imposed In Which Teenagers Cannot Be Out Of Doors At Night. Do you agree or disagree with this?

The plans below showe the layout of a public library now, and how it will look after development.

write a letter to your manager ask for some time off to complete a qualification

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+