Some people think that manufacturers and shopping malls should sell fewer packaged products while others argue that pople have the responsibilty to buy products with less packaging. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Many individuals believe that packaged
products
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should be sold less by
manufacturers
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and shopping malls,
in contrast
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, other
people
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dispute that it is necessary for
people
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's responsibilities when buying
products
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with less packaging. In my opinion, I entirely agree with the belief that we should buy
products
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which have less packaging for several reasons and
also
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discuss both advantages and disadvantages. There are many
possibility
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possibilities
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that make the shopping alls or
manufacturers
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sell fewer packaged
products
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. One obvious issue is the big impact on the
environment
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.
This
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can lead to many disasters
such
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as drought,
earthquakes
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and earthquakes
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,.. by using nylon or plastic to package
products
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.
This
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is why many
people
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think about the idea that packaged
products
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should be less by the
manufacturers
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and shopping malls to improve the quality of habits.
Furthermore
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, reduce using these plastic things can cause more carbon dioxide and
also
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increase the amount of greenhouse gases which can be harmful to the
environment
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and
people
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's health.
On the other hand
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, these problems
is
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are
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not just caused by
manufacturers
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or shopping malls but
also
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by humans. The first issue is that buying too many packaged
products
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are
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is
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affected by human desire so
people
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also
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play an important role in a large number of packaged
products
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. What is more harmful, it
also
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does harm to
people
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's
environment
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and state, especially
human's
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human
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health. In conclusion, I strongly support the belief that
people
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should reduce the consumption of packaged
products
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due to
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their responsibilities to protect both the
environment
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and health. It can improve the quality of the air and reduce the occurrence of disasters which can do harm to
people
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's lives.

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task achievement
Clarify your arguments and avoid repetitive statements. For example, instead of repeating that packaged products harm the environment, elaborate on different types of packaging or alternative solutions.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. Each paragraph should flow logically to the next.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific cases where reducing packaging has had a positive impact.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear stance and addresses both sides of the issue.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and generally well-structured.
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