IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

With the increasing use of mobile phones and computers, people are no longer writing letters now. Some people think the traditional skill of writing letters will disappear. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is impossible to imagine a life without
telecommunication
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,
therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 some believe that traditional
letters
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 written on paper and delivered by post will fade out.
Although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 I acknowledge that
telecommunication
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 does undermine handwritten
mails
Fix the agreement mistake
mail

It seems that mails may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
 to some extent,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 tradition will not be completely replaced. It is absolutely true that communication technology has revolutionised how we contact others. The application of
telecommunication
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 devices
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as phones and computers
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows

It seems that the verb allow does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
 people to exchange information regardless of time and geographical limitations at one touch of a button. It is much more efficient than sending
letters
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, which
acquires
Verb problem
require

There may be a verb use issue here.

show examples
 days or even months to reach the recipient.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 is particularly pronounced in
commercial
Add an article
the commercial

The noun phrase commercial world seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
 world, where directors of multinationals can coordinate different subsidiaries instantly via electro-communication to catch fleeting business opportunities.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, despite the above
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits

It seems that benefit may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
 generated by
telecommunication
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, handwritten
letters
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 create a connection that modern, impersonal forms of communication will never approach. A letter received from another takes on an extra level of meaning because of the distance it travels and the care
and
Correct word choice
apply

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

show examples
thought and time dedicated
on
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
 it rather than quick typing on the keyboard. In many cultures, handwritten
letters
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 have been the gold standard for demonstrating affection.
Letters
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 bring another irreplaceable advantage: they can be stored and archived for later viewing.
Although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 we can send thousands of SMSs and have inboxes with countless emails, after we pass on, the record of our existence will be drowned in spam emails and electric waves. Without
letter
Fix the agreement mistake
letters

It seems that letter may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
, not only our traces of existence
,
Remove the comma
apply

The comma before the conjunction but also appears to be unnecessary. Consider removing it.

show examples
 but
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 a large amount of cultural heritage would
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 be lost for future analysis.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it is impossible to achieve deep comprehension of Jane Eyre without Charlotte Bronte’s Heger
letters
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. In conclusion,
letters
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 written by hand will definitely not disappear, because
its
Correct pronoun usage
their

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
 merits cannot be substituted by
telecommunication
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,
however
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 convenient the latter makes people’s lives and works.

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minor correction
Ensure to proofread for small errors, such as 'acquires days' which should be 'requires days.'
stylistic
Try to vary sentence structures more to improve fluidity and engagement.
task achievement
The essay provides a thorough response to the prompt by discussing both sides effectively.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph presents a single clear idea that enhances readability and coherence.
task achievement
The tone is appropriate for an IELTS essay, maintaining formality throughout.
coherence cohesion
Logical progression of ideas and strong use of examples like Charlotte Bronte’s letters bolster the argument.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

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