IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some believe that we should invent a new language for international communication. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#believe #language #communication #outweigh
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Whether a
newly
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new
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 international
language
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 should be created for communication is a highly debatable discussion point.
This
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 writer argues that the drawbacks of requirement and loss of mother tongue eclipse the benefit of easily making friends. The
most
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biggest
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 downside of
international
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an international
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language
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 is that it requires a great deal of money and time.
In other words
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, developing common communication is a long-term process,
thus
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 numerous
the
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apply
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governments might take collective action that
analyse
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analyses
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 and
combine
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combines
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 simple vocabulary,
grammar
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and grammar
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 in order to know and gain
more wide
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wider
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recognisation
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recognition
 and popularity. Take Morse as a primary example. It
is rarely use
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is rarely used
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 in daily life because of its
complication
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complications
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 and
challenge
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challenges
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. Loss of mother tongue must be considered.
This
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 is because since new
way
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ways
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 of communicating
is
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are
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 becoming increasingly popular
in
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apply
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worldwide, individuals will
have
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apply
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overuse
it
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them
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, leading to
they
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them
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can lose
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losing
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 their national
language
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.
For example
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, nowadays the youth tends to use symbols or reduced sentences
instead
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 of ordinary
language
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 in everyday life.
However
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, the most advantageous factor of international communication is that it
bridge
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bridges
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 the gap between nations . To be precise, citizens can make new friends and know more about different cultures.
As a result
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, they can basically cooperate with international
business
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businesses
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 to profit from foreign
fund
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funds
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 and increase their budget.
This
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 may be true but people will have an overreliance on other industries and manufactures Taking all points into account, the possible impacts of losing of mother tongue and other requirements outweigh the opportunities to make new friends.
Hence
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, inventing a new
language
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 brings more problems to people around the world.

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task achievement
Consider tightening the introduction to be more direct and clear. Some sentences are a bit convoluted, which makes it hard to grasp the argument at first glance.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing your paragraphs to a fuller extent. Expanding on the ideas and providing more specific examples will help make your argument stronger.
task achievement
Be more precise and structured in your analysis. Some points are mentioned but not discussed in detail, leading to a loss of clarity.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and presents both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which shows an understanding of essay organization.
task achievement
There are some relevant examples and reasoning provided which support the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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