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Band 4.5

Some believe that we should invent a new language for international communication. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#believe #language #communication #outweigh
Whether a
newly
Change the word
new
show examples
 international
language
 should be created for communication is a highly debatable discussion point.
This
 writer argues that the drawbacks of requirement and loss of mother tongue eclipse the benefit of easily making friends. The
most
Correct word choice
biggest
show examples
 downside of
international
Add an article
an international
show examples
language
 is that it requires a great deal of money and time.
In other words
, developing common communication is a long-term process,
thus
 numerous
the
Correct article usage
apply
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governments might take collective action that
analyse
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analyses
show examples
 and
combine
Correct subject-verb agreement
combines
show examples
 simple vocabulary,
grammar
Correct word choice
and grammar
show examples
 in order to know and gain
more wide
Correct word choice
wider
show examples
recognisation
Correct your spelling
recognition
 and popularity. Take Morse as a primary example. It
is rarely use
Change the verb form
is rarely used
show examples
 in daily life because of its
complication
Fix the agreement mistake
complications
show examples
 and
challenge
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challenges
show examples
. Loss of mother tongue must be considered.
This
 is because since new
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 of communicating
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 becoming increasingly popular
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
worldwide, individuals will
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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overuse
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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, leading to
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
can lose
Wrong verb form
losing
show examples
 their national
language
.
For example
, nowadays the youth tends to use symbols or reduced sentences
instead
 of ordinary
language
 in everyday life.
However
, the most advantageous factor of international communication is that it
bridge
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bridges
show examples
 the gap between nations . To be precise, citizens can make new friends and know more about different cultures.
As a result
, they can basically cooperate with international
business
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businesses
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 to profit from foreign
fund
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funds
show examples
 and increase their budget.
This
 may be true but people will have an overreliance on other industries and manufactures Taking all points into account, the possible impacts of losing of mother tongue and other requirements outweigh the opportunities to make new friends.
Hence
, inventing a new
language
 brings more problems to people around the world.

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task achievement
Consider tightening the introduction to be more direct and clear. Some sentences are a bit convoluted, which makes it hard to grasp the argument at first glance.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing your paragraphs to a fuller extent. Expanding on the ideas and providing more specific examples will help make your argument stronger.
task achievement
Be more precise and structured in your analysis. Some points are mentioned but not discussed in detail, leading to a loss of clarity.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and presents both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which shows an understanding of essay organization.
task achievement
There are some relevant examples and reasoning provided which support the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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