In many countries people are now living longer than ever before. Some say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Nowadays
due to
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advancements in science, the life span of individuals has increased as compared to in past. It is believed by some that older
people
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create problems for the local authorities,
whereas
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several are of the opinion that the elderly are beneficial for the community. In my personal view, I agree with the former notion because an ageing population puts a burden on the healthcare system and there are fewer higher positions at work available for young
people
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in offices.
To begin
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with, the increase in the age of
people
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has put a lot of stress on the already burdened healthcare system. To elaborate, developing countries have limited budgets to support the hospitals and the division of finances has to be
accordingly
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for old and young.
For instance
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, a survey conducted by the World Health Organization in India in the year 2019 revealed that; the increase in the number of old
people
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and their requirements led to a shortage of funds in many small cities.
Consequently
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,
this
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led to poor management of babies and the elderly
due to
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a decrease in capital assigned by the government.
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Furthermore
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Furthermore,
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similarly
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, the workplaces
also
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face an issue as all the managerial positions are mostly occupied by
people
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above 60 years old. To
further
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explain it, older individuals have a rigid way of working with very little creativity as compared to the younger population
as a result
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there is not much innovation seen in new products.
For example
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, a study carried out by the Wall Street Journal in the year 2019 concluded that the marketing techniques introduced by fresh graduates were more engaging.
Therefore
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, for better sales and economy, hiring young individuals in executive positions is more rewarding.
To conclude
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, even though there is an upside to having an ageing population in society the downside cannot be overcome. The burden of the healthcare system and
also
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the workplaces
due to
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the increasing percentage of old
people
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can lead to serious issues in the future for the governments.
Submitted by hnm0804 on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a well-developed response to the task prompt, clearly stating your position and including relevant examples. However, be careful with the structure and ensure smooth flow between ideas. Improving the transitions between paragraphs can enhance overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
You have logically structured your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Yet, focusing more on the coherence between individual ideas within the paragraphs would make the essay even stronger. Adding more connecting phrases would help.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is clear and sets a solid foundation for the essay. This helps the reader understand the direction of your argument from the start.
relevant specific examples
The use of specific examples, such as the survey by the World Health Organization and the study by the Wall Street Journal, strengthens your argument.
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