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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the average duration of housework women did (unemployed, part-time employed, and full-time) when compared to men who had full-time work in the Peru between 1985 and 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the average duration of housework women did (unemployed, part-time employed, and full-time) when compared to men who had full-time work in the Peru between 1985 and 2005. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given chart compares the duration of average
hours
Use synonyms
 of household work between
women
Use synonyms
 and men in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Peru in a time span of 20 years from 1985 to 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that unemployed
women
Use synonyms
 did the most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
work and men did the least work in a given time frame. In 1985, Unemployed
women
Use synonyms
 worked for 7
hours
Use synonyms
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
;
wherears
Correct your spelling
whereas
, in 1995
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
hours
Use synonyms
 decreased a bit and were at around 6.5
hours
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in 2005
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
hours
Use synonyms
 went back to 7 again.
However
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 working part-time were doing just above 5
hours
Use synonyms
 each day in 1985, which
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
declined to 5
hours
Use synonyms
 in 1995 before reaching
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
6
hours
Use synonyms
 in 2005.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the average
hours
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
 who were working full-time in 1985 was very
less
Correct word choice
little
show examples
 and was only 2
hours
Use synonyms
, but
then
Linking Words
 it increased in 2005 to just under 3
hours
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
men's
Change noun form
men
show examples
 employed full-time
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
worked 1 hour in both 1985 and 1995;
whereas
Linking Words
,
hours
Use synonyms
 increased slightly to approximately 1.5
hours
Use synonyms
 in 2005.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, women with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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