Some people think that living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you disagree or agree?
In recent years, the issue of residing in urban
areas
which is not beneficial to people’s health has heightened the preference of people. From my point of view, I would not side with this
phenomenon.
On the other hand
, it is reasonable to note that the detrimental surroundings of big cities pose a threat to humans’ well being
. The chief of Add a hyphen
well-being
this
is that nowadays, the environment in the capital is contaminated, which makes individuals concerned about their strengths. Take for
example, the figure of severe petroleum-based containers trigger water pollution which may result in digestive diseases to residents. To assert more credence to my assertion, the amount of carbon dioxide in cities’ atmosphere released from a wide range of private transportation has lethal influences on individuals' respiratory and cardiovascular systems. Add the comma(s)
, for
Hence
, it is urban areas
that are unfavorable
to citizens’ Change the spelling
unfavourable
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
However
, although
the disadvantages of crowded cities to people's strengths are widely acknowledged, there are abundant facilities to support people’s health. Nowadays, urban areas
are well-equipped with high-tech hospitals with professional teams of doctors and cutting-edge machines working for medical purposes. Unlike the rural regions, hospitals are under-developed
with rudimentary tools which can not provide residents the most effective method to cure. Correct your spelling
underdeveloped
Thus
, with the support of advanced facilities, people who reside in metropolises are meticulously preserved.
In conclusion, I agree that urban areas
may do more good than harm to inhabitants’ strengths, it is an undeniable fact that hustle
and bustle Correct article usage
the hustle
cities
may pose some threats to Change preposition
of cities
humans’
health Fix the agreement mistake
human’
due to
the disadvantageous environment.Submitted by hominhtrang995 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
specific examples
Provide more specific examples or data to strengthen your arguments. This will add more depth to your essay.
logical structure
Try to maintain a clearer structure by having distinct paragraphs for each main point you present. This will help in ensuring better coherence and cohesion.
general vocabulary
Use more varied vocabulary and avoid repetition to enhance your writing. This will make your essay more engaging and sophisticated.
structure
You have introduced and concluded your essay effectively, providing a clear stance on the topic.
content
Clear and comprehensive ideas are presented throughout the essay, showcasing your understanding of the topic.
task response
The essay addresses the task and provides a complete response to the question, weighing both sides of the argument.