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Some people believe that success is about hard work and determination. Others think that success has a connection with money and personal appearance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #success #work #determination #connection #money #appearance
There is a contentious debate that
success
 is related to
whether
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
arduous
work
as well as
 determination or wealth and
outlooks
Fix the agreement mistake
outlook
show examples
 of a person.
Although
success
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 be achieved easily with
money
along with
 personality, I believe that it does not come overnight;
people
 have to
work
 more with strong heads. On the one hand, the supporters of
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of
money
 and personal appearance to gain
success
 consider that these are the effective attributes that a person should possess. To justify, sometimes
people
fails
Correct subject-verb agreement
fail
show examples
 to
get
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
success
 as they are either not
good looking
Add a hyphen
good-looking
show examples
 or do not have enough
money
 to spend on the processes involved in it.
Therefore
,
people
 should have some wealth and personality to
get
Verb problem
be
show examples
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
 in their lives.
For example
, had Kajol Devgun, an Indian actress, not spent
money
 to improve her looks, she would not have become famous in the
paegent
Correct your spelling
pageant
 industry.
On the other hand
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
get
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
success
 with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 blend of hard
work
 and determination. When individuals focus on their aims, they not only practice their skills but
also
 remain motivated to fulfil these goals and face challenges in their journey
of
Change preposition
to
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success
. Neeraj Chopra, an Indian athlete, achieves the pinnacle of
success
 after 10 years of practice on the ground.
Thus
, it is substantiated that
success
 does not
occurs
Change the verb form
occur
show examples
 instantaneously, requiring various efforts with strong willpower. In conclusion, despite having a connection
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
success
 with
money
 and
outer
Correct article usage
the outer
show examples
apperance
Correct your spelling
appearance
 of a person, I think, doing hard
work
 and
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
full dedication towards goals leads to
success
 with the real meaning.
Submitted by immysandhu94 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses both views and provides your own opinion, which is good. However, ensure that your arguments are equally developed for both sides. This can improve the balance of your essay.
task achievement
Try to integrate more clear and comprehensive ideas into your essay. For example, elaborate more on why you believe hard work and determination are more important than money and appearance.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of your essay. The flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs can be made smoother. Consider using more transition words and phrases to enhance cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your discussion.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples to support your points. This strengthens your arguments and demonstrates your ability to apply ideas to real-life situations.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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