IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Influence of human beings on the world's ecosystem is leading to the extinction of many species & loss of biodioversity. What are the primary causes of loss of ? What solution can be done to to solve it?

#influence #beings #world #ecosystem #extinction #species #loss #biodioversity
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Nowadays we are witnesses
for
Change preposition
to
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 natural disasters and
species
 extinction, that have been caused by human vital activity. Biodiversity is a roof of
survivung
Replace the word
the survival
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 of wildlife. Life is a sequence of
species
,
Correct article usage
the extintion
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extintion
Correct your spelling
extinction
 of one chain link may lead to
domino
Add an article
a domino
the domino
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 effect. That's a reason to maintain the environment in the best state we can. For the first reason
of
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for
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loss
Correct article usage
the loss
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 of
biodiversity
Add a comma
biodiversity,
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 I can note the
devercity
Correct your spelling
severity
 of changes in the environment that have been caused by
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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. All the modern technologies are very polluting the atmosphere, water, and soil. Animals and plants are not flexible enough to adapt themself to new conditions, so there are
species
 that
endangered
Add a missing verb
are endangered
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 or
extincted
Correct your spelling
extinct
.
Secondly
, we can't forget about hunting. Nowadays, in most parts of the world, people have no necessity to hunt
for surviving
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to survive
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. Hunting became entertainment much more than it was in past centuries. Hunters are not thinking about
species
 and
veriety
Correct your spelling
variety
, they are playing gods. It's especially noticeable in
Correct article usage
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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countries with weak laws in
this
 area.
For
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In
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 conclusion, I want to talk about solutions. Formerly we need to improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
manufacturing all over the world to minimize polluting and development of the environment to maximize the
surviving
Replace the word
survival
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 of
species
.
Furthermore
, governments all over the world have to
adopte
Correct your spelling
adopt
 the international laws of hunting and preservation of wildlife. And each of us
have
Change the verb form
has
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 to take part in saving our planet.
Submitted by anastasia on

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task achievement
To improve task response, ensure that specific examples are provided to support your points. For instance, mention particular species that have gone extinct due to pollution or hunting to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, work on the clarity and organization of each paragraph. Connect your ideas more fluidly using appropriate linking words and phrases. Consider using transitions to guide the reader through your argument smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Try to make your introduction more explicit by clearly defining what you will discuss in the essay. Similarly, in your conclusion, summarize the main points more succinctly to reinforce your argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the causes of biodiversity loss and potential solutions, showing a complete response to the task.
coherence cohesion
There are clear main points in each paragraph, making the essay easy to follow. The provided solutions are practical and relevant.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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