IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries today, major cities have become too big and overcrowded. Why is this? What measures could be taken to reduce this problem?

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It can be denied that major
cities
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 in every country serve as the main destination for the public, and over time, they become increasingly populated and overcrowded.
This
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 essay will explore the causes of
this
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 issue and
also
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 propose several possible solutions. There are many reasons why many people choose to live in downtown
areas
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. First and foremost, the belief that migrating to metropolitan
areas
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 leads to success has been deeply ingrained for a long time. A survey shows that many newcomers move to Jakarta for work-related reasons.
Moreover
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, there is a significant development gap between big
cities
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 and small towns. Public facilities in metropolitan
areas
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,
such
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 as healthcare services, educational institutions, and infrastructures, provide a more convenient and comfortable lifestyle, which encourages individuals to relocate in search of better living conditions.
For instance
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, many families attribute their decision to move as a key factor for their current success. These factors contribute to the increasing population density and overcrowding in downtown
areas
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. Governments can
do
Verb problem
take
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 various measures to address
this
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 problem.
Firstly
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, they can provide entrepreneurship training for communities, especially in rural
areas
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, so that people do not have to solely rely on companies to meet their daily needs.
As a result
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, individuals would be more likely to start their own businesses at home
instead
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 of migrating to metropolitan
areas
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 for corporate jobs.
Additionally
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, governments should promote balanced development across all regions.
For example
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, building hospitals in rural
areas
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 would ensure that residents have easy access to healthcare facilities without the burden of travelling long distances to other
cities
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. In conclusion, the main factors driving population growth in major
cities
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 include promising job opportunities and regional development disparities. To mitigate
this
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, governments should encourage entrepreneurship and ensure equal access to public amenities across all
areas
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.

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task achievement
While the essay effectively discusses the reasons and solutions related to urban overcrowding, providing more specific statistics or examples could enhance the depth of analysis. For instance, citing specific surveys or studies would strengthen the arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Your logical structure is good, but consider using more varied linking phrases to improve the flow between paragraphs and ideas. This will help to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively summarize the main points discussed.
task achievement
The reasons provided for urban migration are relevant and well-articulated, demonstrating a strong understanding of the topic.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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